I Have a Confession - I Judged Other Parents

Recently, we celebrated the 4th of July, as I'm sure you did, too if you live in the U.S.  We celebrated by going to our town's 4th of July parade in the morning.  Then, we went to one of our favorite brunch places (Kerbey Lane) that we rarely get to go to - it was yummy!  And in the afternoon, we went to the festival down the street, which had lots of activities and goodies for kids.  We finished off the evening by watching all of the local fireworks from our backyard.  I reflected at the end of the evening that my children had eaten a diet that consisted of candy, chocolate chip pancakes, snow cones, a bag of Cheetos, Sprite, and a couple of bananas (only because they were desperate and starving once we got home).  And you know what?  I wasn't proud of this, but I didn't sweat it either.  It was a fun day, and we all survived.

But this caused me to reflect on how my view of parenting has changed now that I'm a parent.  Even more so now that I'm a parent of two children.  Before I had kids I easily judged other parents.  If I had seen a parent doing what we did on the 4th of July, I would have thought to myself, "See.  That's why we have childhood obesity.  My children will eat things like broccoli and carrots, because I will make them homemade baby food only.  Hence, they will magically be children who crave asparagus and cauliflower."

I used to be baffled by why parents let their young children watch TV at all.  I mean didn't they understand that childhood experts universally agree TV is bad under the age of 2?  It's so easy to avoid.  Just don't ever turn the TV on and they won't know what they are missing.  Little did I know that one day TV would prove to be the magical cure to having 5 minutes to myself to hopefully complete a shower.  Or that TV would be the cure to keeping my daughter from melting down while I have to feed and change her baby brother.  TV would be magical not terrible.

I despised children on airplanes.  My first thought was why would any parent think it was acceptable to travel with a child under the age of 4 on an airplane.  Didn't they know better?  And if it was a matter of life and death, the least they could do was ensure their children knew how to be quiet and behave on the plane.  We flew with our son when he was 18 months old.  I was armed with a wide assortment of snacks and a backpack full of surprise activities to keep him occupied.  He was done with that in 30 minutes and ready to get off the plane, so he just kicked the seat in front of him endlessly (because there's all of a half inch of space there when I child sits in a car seat on a plane).  I felt bad, of course, but no amount of threats or bribery was stopping him.  The woman in front of him turned and asked me if I could ask him to stop.  It was all I could do to not say, "Oh, yes, of course, I'll ask the 18 month old to stop.  I hadn't thought of that.  I'm sure that will work."

Speaking of that, I also couldn't imagine I would stop traveling just because I had kids.  I couldn't understand why people completely gave up the things they enjoyed just because they had kids.  I thought that until the first time we flew with our daughter.  One car seat, one stroller, one Baby Bjorn, one baby bathtub, 10 bottles, one box of formula, one box of diapers, one container of wipes, and a lot of strategic flight planning around nap time, I realized why people don't travel with little kids.  It sucks.

I also didn't think I would be inconsiderate of my friends who didn't have kids just because I had kids.  I wouldn't insist on eating at a certain time or going to a certain place just to accommodate my kids.  Ha.  I had no idea this would mean the very people I'm trying to accommodate would have to listen to the screaming and tantrums that would ensue because my kids didn't have naps and were angry they were being forced to eat kale salad instead of grilled cheese.  Hence, eating at 5 PM at a place that serves grilled cheese starts to sound appealing.

One of the biggest things I didn't think I would do is negotiate with my kids.  I would see people tell their kid, "No ice cream."  Then, the child says, "But I'll be good.  Please can we have ice cream."  "Okay, but no candy on top."  I would think, "Suckers.  Just say no."  Little did I know that children negotiate everything.  And saying, "No means no" is effective sometimes, but sometimes, kids just wear you down.  And you're thinking, "I had a long week at work.  I'm tired.  And if buying my kids some ice cream means we are going to have some peace...then, let's have some ice cream."

So to the parents I've judged over the years, I apologize.  To the parents I may still judge in the future, I apologize.  And to those who aren't parents yet, I say just trust me, there's a reason these apparent bad parenting moves take place.  It's called life.  Parents sacrifice a lot - freedom, flexibility, good food, peace and quiet, adult conversation, going potty by yourself, calling it "potty" instead of "bathroom," and so on.  So occasionally, they sacrifice being perfect parents to just have some sanity.  Now of course, there are terrible parents out there who always choose themselves over their children.  But most parents don't fall into that bucket.  They are just tired or overwhelmed and trying to make the best of whatever situation they are in.  It still may not be fair to you if you don't have kids, but if you do have kids one day, you'll eventually understand.  Then, you will no longer sit in that restaurant or airplane, and judge the parents of the screaming child.  You'll think, "Thank God it's not mine" and enjoy the tantrum knowing you don't have to deal with it.