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Thursday, December 17, 2015

My Letter To Santa

Dear Santa,

I just want to start out by saying I do love Christmas.  Really, I do.  But I have to be honest - despite this season bringing about the wonderful feeling of giving, I often find it brings about some feelings of neglect.  Mommy tends to do all of the giving and little of the receiving.  So I pondered why this is.  Is it because I have a 3 year old and 5 year old who haven't mastered the art of giving?  Oh surely, not.  Is it because my husband is a bit of a Grinch and feels like Christmas is something to be survived, not celebrated?  No, no, of course not.  Is it because I receive at least one email a day from someone asking me to buy something, donate something, or volunteer for something?  I can't imagine that's true.  Is it because I have to orchestrate all of the happiness of the season for the whole family?  Again, no, that just can't be it.  So I've come to the conclusion it must be because I don't write a letter to you any more to clearly ask for what I want for Christmas. So I decided to fix that problem this year!  Here's what I want this year -

1.  My children to learn the art of using their inside voices.  If I only got one thing, this would be it, Santa.  If nothing else, a little laryngitis for awhile might work.

2.  A special elf or helper to do the laundry every week.  I mean can't we make Tickles be productive?

3.  The ability to eat an endless supply of dark chocolate almonds without gaining weight.  Oh and cookie butter, too!  Really - this is a not a lot to ask.  You don't even have to supply the dark chocolate almonds or cookie butter.

4.  Make fantasy football and Draft Kings illegal.  And whoever invented daily fantasy football should get coal in his (assuming only a man could do this) stocking.

5.  Make Instacart or Amazon grocery expand to where we live.  Oh how I wish for the day when we will have grocery delivery. That will be a happy, happy day, Santa.

6.  Make my kids think veggies taste like cookies or candy.  How glorious it would be for one of them to ask me, "Mommy, please can we have green beans for dinner tonight?"  I promise this doesn't mean we will be serving you milk and green beans next year.

7.  A magical, non-surgical mommy makeover.  You know - take a little fat out here and there.  Give me a little tummy tuck.  Surely, if you can fly toys for millions of children all over the world in a tiny sleigh led by 9 reindeer, you can get rid of a little cellulite.

8.  Last but not least, if you must put something in your sleigh for me, I'll take a new Tori Burch bag and a Dyson V6 Cordless vacuum.

Thanks, Santa!  Really appreciate it.  I'm feeling better already.

Love,
Mommy...I mean Jennifer

Thursday, December 3, 2015

To Elf or Not to Elf? That is the Question!

Like most modern households with young children, we host a little Elf (on the Shelf), Tickles, during the holiday season.  He came to us 3 years ago (care of my mother...love you, mom) and has stayed ever since.  At first, his greatest interest to our daughter was that he occasionally brought candy.  Gradually, our daughter caught on to the humor the elf occasionally exhibited (if mom had time).  I could see some fun in this, but that was usually squashed by the anxiety I would feel waking up in the morning realizing I forgot to move Tickles the night before.

But this year, the elf has become a major source of drama in our house.  It started before Thanksgiving.  My daughter begged us to put up the Christmas decorations, and as it was almost Thanksgiving (and I do love Christmas)...we obliged.  The decorations went up and instantly, our 5.5 year old daughter expected Tickles to appear.  I kindly reminded her that he usually arrives after Thanksgiving (I mean mommy can't find 6 weeks worth of new places for that stupid elf to sit on), so maybe she should be patient.  That had little effect.  Each morning, she eagerly came upstairs and desperately searched the house for Tickles.  And when he was no where to be found, she was heartbroken.

I couldn't stand it.  So...Tickles arrived early.  She was joyous!  Our almost 3 year old son was also happy once he realized candy was involved, but he really couldn't care less about the elf itself.  This lasted for all of one day.  Two days into it, our daughter begins behaving terribly.  I mean isn't that the point of this doll?  It helps keep your kids in line, right?  After a series of 30 questions, my daughter finally bursts into tears and says she's sad that Tickles has to go back to the North Pole.  "Are you worried about him flying back every night?" I say.  "No," she says.  "I don't want him to leave after Christmas and go back to the North Pole.  I want him to stay with us forever."  <BIG SIGH>

You have got to be kidding me.  We have at least 30 more days with this elf and she is already mourning his departure?  And everyday since she has moped around dreading the day her beloved Tickles leaves.  We have had 3 meltdowns over the elf already.  What is the point of this elf?  He's torturing my daughter, and he's torturing me!

But now I'm trapped.  We can't get rid of him this holiday season - that could send her over the edge.  And how would I explain that he never returns next year?  She was bad.  Her brother was bad.  Tickles moved.  Tickles died.  Santa quit.  Santa fired the elves.  Really, no good options.

So I beg of you parents who have yet to introduce this elf to your family - think about it.  Really think about it.  It's a lot of work.  And if you have a sensitive child, the elf could backfire on you.  Do not let the ultra creative parents guilt you into this tradition.  You have plenty other parenting ways you can excel that don't involve remembering to move a doll around every night and creating nightly messes.  I promise.


Wednesday, November 18, 2015

Am I the Only Mom Who Thinks Time Changes Suck?

Years ago, I used to love "falling back."  What was not to love about it?  You got an extra hour of sleep!  You got an extra hour in your weekend (it almost felt like a vacation)!  And for a short period of time, waking up in the morning didn't feel absolutely painful.

Now "falling back" and "springing forward" suck.  I wish the government would pick a time and stay with it.  As many of you know, adjusting young kids to a new time change is not for the faint-at-heart.  This year "falling back" seems to have been particularly painful in our family.  We were not only battling the time change but our soon-to-be three year old son simultaneously decided now is the time he wants to start getting out of his bed at night and in the morning.

For two entire years (not exaggerating), we have had the absolutely perfect sleeper in our family.  Not once have we gotten up with him in the middle of the night since he was 8 months old.  He didn't make a single peep ever.  He didn't attempt to get out of his toddler bed.  He was perfect.  Amazing, right?  Well, he's done with that.  Now he has discovered he can get out of bed and boy is he interested in all the fun that can come with that.

So once we "fell back," it meant our son was awake at 6 AM and be-bopping out of bed to go wake up his sister.  His sister, as I've mentioned many times before, needs sleep more than anything in life to maintain her emotional stability (and hence mom and dad's sanity).  This of course, led to sleep deprivation for both kids, which led to a downward spiral of behavior and thus, the chaos began.

Once our daughter becomes sleep deprived, she struggles with controlling her anxiety.  That means every time she feels slightly out of control, slightly wronged, or slightly unheard, her anger is level goes sky high.  She hasn't had a serious meltdown in months.  This past week, we've had 3.  I mean the kind where no one in the house can talk, because nothing can be heard except for her.  Anxiety and sleep deprivation cause her to wake in the night, so thus, she started waking us up every night.  That, of course, leads to sleep deprivation of mom and dad...which is never good.  Patience goes down the drain when mom and dad are tired.

Our son isn't significantly better.  After all, he's two.  So in the past two weeks, we have had a meltdown every morning, because either we won't give him the entire box of _____ (cereal, pancakes, etc.) or we won't let him use the adult scissors to cut ______.   And his normal, "No. I do want that" statements have turned into "NOOOOOOOOOO.  I DOOOOOOO WANT THAAAAAAT!!!!!!!"

Oh it's been a joy to be in our house.  What I can say is this isn't our first rodeo with time changes and yes, we know this too shall pass.  The benefit of it getting dark earlier is our kids willingly go to bed earlier and gradually they are sleeping later and gradually, peace will be restored.  But man, I just wish Congress (by that I mean the men who probably had wives who dealt with this) could experience a time change with young kids just once and I'm sure they would clearly vote to just pick a time and stick with it!

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

My Top Tips for Making the Holidays Easy and Pain Free

Once you get married and have kids and especially if you also host the holidays, the holidays get stressful fast.  Whether it's balancing the families and in-laws or dealing with hosting while also caring for small children or just choosing between all of the events and parties, it can really take the fun out of the holidays.  So over the years, I have cultivated a holiday routine that simplifies my life, because heaven knows, the holidays are full-time mom.  Dad's contribution is the Christmas lights and then, he considers his job done (but to his credit, he does do a bang-up job).  Sorry, I digressed.  But the key here is creating a routine you can repeat each year.  Starting from scratch every year will make the holidays more overwhelming than they need to be.

Here are my tips:

1.  Outsource the meals - Seriously, if you have little kids, there is no joy in spending days cooking a meal for Thanksgiving or Christmas.  Everyone is miserable during the cooking process and the kids certainly don't appreciate it.  So...don't do it.  Lots of grocery stores (like Whole Foods) and restaurants sell ready-made fantastic Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners.  They don't cost that much more than if you made it yourself, and you will also save yourself that painful shopping trip the week of the holiday with other 3 million holiday shoppers.  Do not feel guilty.  Don't let your in-laws make you feel guilty.  If they do, let them cook next year.  Outsource will enable you to really enjoy the day with your kids and family, which is far more meaningful.

2.  Shop online - Given that this is 2015, it seems a little silly to be saying this.  But I still talk to so many friends who are reluctant to do this.  You can get your shopping done in an hour instead of days.  You family doesn't know the difference.  You don't get bonus points for suffering in retail stores.

3.  Dedicate one day to shopping - So for everything you can't buy online (candy, stocking stuffers, food, etc.), dedicate one day to buying these items and call it done.  Personally, I go to Christmas Affair in Austin every year.  They have 200+ booths.  I drink, enjoy, and shop.  I am determined to find everything I need that day and then, I'm done.

4.  Select 3 Events and say No to Everything Else - There are so many things to go to and attend during the holidays that you can feel overwhelmed.  You don't have to feel that way.  I also think it's important to build traditions during the holidays, so I take the approach of choosing a few things we do every year.  That way I know at the beginning of the season what we are doing, what I need to buy tickets for, and what I need to put on the calendar.  We might end up doing other things if we have time and want to, but I don't feel obligated to at all.

5.  Streamline your Christmas Cards - I know a lot of people would say just give up the tradition of the Christmas card.  But I truly like sending and receiving Christmas cards.  For my non-Facebook using friends who live far away, this may be the only time I really get an update on their family.  I don't want to lose that.  BUT Christmas cards can be very time consuming, so here's what I do:

  • I have all of my addresses in an Excel spreadsheet
  • I have a Word doc that automatically pulls the addresses into a 3 column document that I print on address labels (happy to share my templates if anybody wants them)
  • I order stamps from USPS (that's right, I don't even go to the post office)
  • I order my cards and return address labels super early.  I made my card in September.
  • So all I really have to do is spend 30 minutes assembling my cards, and then, I'm done!  I have even paid the babysitter an extra $20 to stuff Christmas cards for me when I was desperate.
6.  Give photos as gifts - One of the most time consuming holiday activities is trying to figure out what to give the grandparents.  They don't need or really want anything.  So...give them photos and photo gifts.  They like them.  It's easy.  You don't have to rethink this every year.  Just go to Shutterfly and have a ball!

7.  Buy gifts when you travel - If you do have the luxury of traveling to interesting places, buy gifts then.  Everyone loves to shop when they travel, so this gives you a good excuse.  And gifts from your travel experiences are special and let loved ones know you were thinking of them while on vacation.  AND when the holidays come around, you're like, "Wow.  I already have a gift.  Check!"

8.  Make decorating a family affair - What to do with the whole family while you are trapped in the house on Thanksgiving with no where to go?  Decorate.  I make sure the tree (well, who am I kidding...trees, plural...I'm little crazy about Christmas decorating) are setup ahead of time.  Then, the family decorates the trees while we watch the Macy's parade.

9.  Spend as much time as possible doing the things you really enjoy about the holidays - I love listening to Christmas music, so I listen to it all of the time.  Shamelessly.  But it reduces the holiday stress oddly.  I also like looking at Christmas lights (which my kids do too).  We frequently subject my husband to driving around neighborhoods to just look at lights.  It's easy and requires no planning, and I really feel like we are enjoying the holidays.  And lastly, I drink hot chocolate.  This is the one time of year I feel entitled to just drink hot chocolate, because it's a part of the holiday spirit.  

Here's to hoping you survive and hopefully enjoy the holidays with minimal stress!  I know you can do it.

Wednesday, November 4, 2015

Does Your Child Do These Things?

I write a lot about my daughter and her hypersensitivity to lots of things.  But I don't write as much about my son.   Why?  Well, because he has for the most part coped with our family life and not really required a lot of extra energy or knowledge to understand.  He has been a typical little boy.  He hasn't had developmental delays.  His social skills are developing.  He listens (most of the time) and makes eye contact well.  He communicates very well.  In fact, he's amazingly good at expressing himself and his feelings.  He loves to play and go places.  He is for the most part an awesome little kid.

But he's nearing 3 and he has some...let's call them "quirks"...that don't seem to be going away.  Like what you might ask?

First and foremost, he grabs and touches EVERYTHING.  Always has, ever since he started crawling.  It doesn't matter if you tell him it's hot or dangerous, he still desperately wants to touch everything.  I will tell him my coffee is hot, and he asks if he can put his finger in it and see.  We tell him knives will cut him and give him a big boo and he asks if he can just hold them gently.  Taking him into a store is a huge challenge, because even though he might try to contain his impulse to grab things, he doesn't do it terribly well.  So the trip is a series of  "Don't touch that.  Stop grabbing.  No, don't.  You will break that.  Do I have to put you back in the cart?"

Next on the quirk list is mealtime.  Mealtime with our son sucks.  He seems to be incredibly uninterested in eating.  He doesn't want to sit still.  He refuses to eat with utensils - only wants to eat with his hands.  And when he does eat, he shoves so much in his mouth, he gags and spits it all back out.  But interestingly, when he does choose to eat, he selects foods I wouldn't think kids would love.  He loves chocolate including dark chocolate.  He loves salami.  He loves dates.  He will happily put most things in his mouth.  Now they may be immediately spit out, but he does try it first.

He has started having some serious tantrums.  These are not like our daughter's angry rages where she clearly loses emotional control.  These are clearly fits showing us his displeasure that he isn't getting what he wants.  He's capable of stopping them, but yet he's so frustrated with us, he will continue to throw the tantrum for 30-45 minutes...frequently telling us he doesn't want to calm his body, because he's mad.

Other quirks that are curious but don't bother us include:
1.  Loves to clean.  He will gladly help me with household chores - cleaning tables, floors, vacuuming, etc.
2.  Loves bubbles - like her LOVES bubbles.
3.  He loves to be covered in blankets.  He can rarely just sit on the couch without having a blanket on him.  When he sleeps at night, he insists on being covered with 3 blankets even if it's 95 outside.
4.  He is super affectionate.  Loves hugs, loves to be held, and loves to sit in laps (all of the time).
5.  He asks 60,000 questions about every new thing he encounters and he often asks the same questions over and over.
6.  When he finds something he's interested in (i.e. construction equipment, planes, windmills), he will ask to see the thing over and over again.  I mean as soon as he sees a backhoe, he says, "I want to see more backhoes."
7.  He talks out loud to himself a lot.  He will lay in his bed at night and talk about what happened in his day.  He will give himself pep talks.  He will talk to his buddies.  But it's always completely out loud, not at all in a quiet voice.
8.  He loves jumping, running, being thrown around, spinning in chairs, riding fast rides, etc.
9.  He gets boo boos regularly that he has no idea how they occurred.  These are boo boos that I would hear about for days from our daughter, but our son is surprised to see they exist.
10.  It takes him 45 minutes each night to settle and finally go to sleep.  He kicks, squirms, sits up, talks, etc. until he finally passes out.  I actually bought him a weighted blanket to help soothe him, and he loves it!  The moment I gave it to him, he covered himself completely with it and just laid down on the tile floor and said he was going to sleep.
11.  He LOVES swinging.  I mean loves it.  He will play with other things on the playground, but once he gets on the swing, that's it.  You must endure a tantrum to get him off the swing.  He would probably swing for 5 hours straight if someone would push him for that long.
12.  If there is music playing that he likes, we cannot make the volume loud enough for him.  He just wants it louder.
13.  He runs into things and seems oblivious to things right in front of him.  We will say, "Parker eat your avocado."  Parker says, "Where?"  "Right there."  "Where?"  Yes, he's far-sighted and wears glasses, but I don't think that accounts for this.

So as I typically do, I began to research.  And what I found is that our son appears to have the polar opposite issue that his sister experiences.  He isn't hypersensitive.  He's hyposensitive.  What does that mean?  Some kids, like our daughter, are very easily stimulated by noises, lights, tastes, and textures.  A fire truck can send them into a crazy frenzy.  But hyposensitive kids need louder noises, brighter lights, stronger, tastes, and bolder textures to register with their senses.  Otherwise, they are just kind of bored or underwhelmed with their environments.

Just like hypersensitive kids, hyposensitive kids may only be hyposensitive with certain senses.  With our son, I think he has auditory, tactile, taste, and vestibular (balance) hyposensitivies.  It's possible he has others, but he's just not old enough yet to recognize the visual and olfactory hyposensitivities.  Here's a link to a site that provides more information on each hyposensitivity.

This explains so much to me.  It helps me realize that he isn't just disobedient and messy.  He needs to touch things to experience the world around him and get enough information to understand everything.  He doesn't really taste a lot of the foods we give him, because they aren't spicy or flavorful enough, so he's completely disinterested in mealtime.  He has a hard time sitting still, because he's searching for something more stimulating to calm him down.  He shoves tons of food in his mouth at once to better experience and taste the food.  Little bites don't do anything for him.  He loves lots of blankets, because the heaviness of the blankets feels more soothing and calming to him.  He needs fast moving experiences to stimulate his vestibular system and better develop his sense of balance.

So right now I don't really know what this means for him.  Does he need occupational therapy to better develop his senses?  Can we do more at home to help him?  We'll find out at his 3 year well check when I talk to his doctor.  But what I do know is now I have a much better understanding of why he's doing these things.  We can look for better solutions that will help him and us be less frustrated.

And as a parent, I've learned a lot about how much our senses determine who we are as people.  Our brains are wired to experience the world around us in a particular way.  And every child is wired a little bit differently.  They can be peculiar little creatures, but there is logic behind the madness if we can just better understand how each child is experiencing the world around them.


Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Do You Take Vacations Without Your Kids?

Recently we took our first vacation without our kids since before our son was born 3 years ago.  It was our 10th wedding anniversary, and my husband wanted to celebrate.  He wanted to go to Grand Cayman and go diving (which we haven't done in 8 years).  To be fair, I wanted to celebrate, too.  I even wanted to go diving, too, but the thought of figuring out the logistics of making sure everything was taken care of so that we could leave for 7 days seemed very overwhelming.

What's the dilemma you ask?  Well, let me tell you it takes a village to let mommy and daddy go away.

1.  We had to find a caretaker for our daughter here, so she could stay at home and go to school.

  • My parents couldn't do this, because my dad still works.  So we ended up using my mother-in-law, who has never taken care of our daughter for more than 2 hours previously.  Partially because of trust and partially because of her interest.  But needless to say, this was a big leap of faith that required a lot of preparation.  We had trial runs.  She practiced taking our daughter to school and picking her up at the bus stop.  We had longer babysitting stints.  Nana took our daughter on outings.  All so our daughter (well, and us, too) would trust that Nana was prepared.  We created a daily checklist of everything that had to be done each day to care for our daughter, the animals, and the house.  We created manuals to operate all of the technology in our house.  We created a phone list of everyone under the sun who might be of help if something went wrong.  Seriously.  We did all of that.  But it gave everyone peace of mind.

2.  Our solution to the first problem, led us to another dilemma.  How can we ensure our highly sensitive daughter doesn't feel abandoned?  This one weighed on me a lot.  I could just picture our daughter in tears calling us every night saying she wanted us to come home.  Ugghh.  That would not be relaxing.:)

  • We needed Nana to drive our daughter to my parents house for the weekend so our daughter could be with her brother and participate in Camp Grandmama and Granddad, too.
  • We left small gifts and love notes for her to open everyday, so she would know we were thinking of her.
  • We made sure her teacher knew what was happening that week, so she could be prepared for our daughter's emotional stress.
  • We made sure Nana was SUPER prepared, so that our daughter never doubted Nana.
  • Nana planned fun activities for the two of them every night.  I think they largely included eating McDonald's and shopping at Target, but hey, everyone seemed to have fun.
3.  We had to take care of everything else.

  • Oh yeah - our son.  We had to get him to Grandmama and Granddad's house 200 miles away.
  • Jobs
  • Family businesses
  • Pet Sitter
  • Diver refresher course
  • Travel preparations
When I thought about everything in my head, I thought it seemed like too much work and too emotionally overwhelming to have a few days of vacation.  Truthfully, I agreed to the trip because I really thought there was about a 50% chance of my mother-in-law flaking and I wouldn't have to figure everything out. 

But as the trip got closer, it looked like it was really going to happen.  And you know what?  It did happen!  And...everything went smoothly.  Everyone lived.  The trip was great.  I highly recommend Grand Cayman by the way.  And our daughter didn't even want to talk to use while we were gone - not because she was mad, but because she was too interested in other things to talk to mommy and daddy.  It really did all seem like a small miracle.  

And just as importantly, my husband and I had a great time.  We reconnected and recuperated.  We got to to adult things - Like hang out at a swim up bar, sleep past 7:00 am, live on a spontaneous, flexible schedule, read a book, eat seafood for every meal, oh and the list could go on.  

There are a few things I learned from this experience:

1.  Our marriage and relationship deserved the work that went into this trip.  At this stage, it is an effort to get alone time, but the effort is critical.  I get that now.  Vacations probably won't seem carefree again for at least 16 years, so I better get used to this.

2.  I gained a deeper trust in our family.  I am frequently known to be a control freak and this trip took a big leap of faith.  Now I know I can count on my family members and kids to help out more.  They all took one for the team, and they did a great job!

3.  It will be easier the next time.  I'm not ready to do this again tomorrow, but I know the next time we do this, it will be much easier.  So that means we can still take couple trips without the kids occasionally, and that is awesome!



Wednesday, October 7, 2015

I Was Skinny Fat

Earlier this year, I wrote a post about my ongoing weight maintenance battle.  Basically, I do well for a year or two and then, something happens like I get pregnant (and I don't mean gaining the normal 25-35 pounds) or we have a major life change and I fall off the wagon.

This time, I fell off the wagon during the holidays last year.  I thought no big deal.  I'll jump on Weight Watchers (my go to) after the holidays and take care of it.  Well, January came, and I signed up for WW like half of America does.  Usually, you see a big weight loss at the beginning, which is very motivating.  This time though, after the first week, I lost a big goose egg.  Zero.  Next week came, same story.  The third week came, still nothing.  I wasn't cheating.  I'm totally dedicated to counting all points.  I just could not figure out why it wasn't working this time.  It had always worked for me before.

Could it be that I'm old?  Well, maybe.  But it seemed like it had to be more than that.

I decided maybe I should try to cut my carbs more.  So I persisted and still no weight loss.  So I decided to up my protein.  However, most of my internet research led me to believe that most Americans eat plenty of protein and this probably wasn't my problem.  But I knew that I had never been a big protein eater. As an adult, I recognized the importance of it, so I tried to make conscious protein decisions. But was I eating enough?  I decided to actually calculate my daily protein intake.  Sadly, I found it was only 30-40 grams a day - even when I was trying to eat more!   Intuitively, I knew that wasn't enough, especially for someone who was running 25 miles a week up (doing hills, too).  And again, after reading all of the internet research about how much muscle women lose each year after the age of 25 and through pregnancy, I felt I had found my problem.

I had eaten away all of my muscle.  I looked down at my legs and in the mirror at my backside, and what I saw confirmed my hypothesis.  I was skinny fat.  My metabolism just wasn't functioning optimally.  I estimated I was at about 30% body fat.  Holy cow!  So I set a goal for myself to eat 70-80 grams of protein day.  There is a marketing campaign out there encouraging people to eat 90 grams a day.  So I still may not be getting enough, but 70-80 grams of protein is WAY more protein than I have ever eaten on a daily basis.  The other thing I focused on was making sure I ate protein EVERY time I eat.  I learned that you crave less sugar (because you have a steady blood sugar level) if you have a steady dose of protein, and you burn more calories digesting protein than you do digesting carbs and fat.

So I began planning a new diet that would get me to 70-80 protein grams daily but have no more than 25-30 grams of added sugar (I don't count fruit).  Btw, this is not considered a low carb diet by any means.  It's also not a high protein diet.  I also started spinning, which is categorized as a high intensity interval training workout (HIIT), which is supposed to be optimal for fat burning.  And I started incorporating sprints into my runs, and I shortened my runs.  I don't feel compelled to always run 5 miles now to get a good workout.

The next week, I stepped on the scale.  No weight loss. In fact, I had gained a bit.  No worries. I felt better and I felt more toned.  More weeks passed, more weight gained but I could pinch less fat.  Huh...interesting.  I persisted despite the fact that the scale (which we all love to measure by) was not being my friend.  I also noticed that my clothes began fitting differently.  They were looser around my waist but tighter around my legs and hips.  Oh no.  Was this right?

Well, I will skip to the 3/4 of the way punch line.  After eating this way for 8 months now, I have gained 10 pounds but lost 6% body fat.  My clothes fit normally again, and I am way more toned than I was 8 months ago.  In fact, I've lost fat in places where the fat has been since I was 21.  I see more muscle tone in my legs than I've had since I was in college.  My goal is to lose another 4-6% body fat to get to a fitter 18-20% total body fat.  I had a physical recently and discussed my new diet with my doctor, and he agreed I was taking the right strategy.  He also noticed my blood work (which wasn't bad before) had improved, too.  My blood pressure had dropped (100/70 with a pulse of 68) and my triglycerides were 47 (Should be <150.  Ideal is <100)!  I doubt I have ever had a t-level that low.  Another extra bonus?  I no longer have keratosis pilaris (little red bumps on the back of your arms or on your legs).  I've had that forever and nothing ever got rid of it! Turns out KP can be a sign of a gluten allergy.  Now I don't know if I'm allergic to gluten, but it was probably a sign I was eating too much of it.  Because after having KP for 25 years, I no longer have it at all. 

The amazing thing about this new way of eating for me is that even when I don't work out, I lose body fat.  In fact, I noticed once I got to month 7, my body really seemed to start burning fat quickly!  Everyday when I wake up, I can pinch less fat.  It's amazing and I don't feel like I'm trying hard.  Because the other amazing thing that happened is I don't crave carbs.  I never crave pasta, bread, cake or cookies any more.  In fact, sometimes when I try to eat bread, it doesn't even taste that good.  We go to a pizza place, and I order meatballs and salad and it tastes awesome.  I never thought that would be me.

I definitely want to clarify that I'm not a nutritionist nor am I recommending this approach for everyone.  But if you've been a carb addict and a protein non-addict most of your life (and you are nearing middle age), this dietary approach might work for you.

If you're curious, this is what a typical day of food looks like for me:

Breakfast - 25 grams of protein. 1 gram of sugar.
  • Quaker Weight Control oatmeal plus 2 tbsp of gelatin protein powder
  • Made with skim milk
  • Banana or blueberries on top (I eat a banana if I'm going for a run)
Lunch - 31 grams of protein.  12 grams of sugar.
  • Cup of raw stir fly veggies
  • 2 tbsp of Boathouse Farms salsa ranch yogurt dressing
  • 1/2 cup of chili pistachios
  • 2 hard boiled eggs (I make them at the beginning of the week and they last a long time)
  • Light & Fit Greek yogurt with raspberries on top (Dark Chocolate Raspberry is awesome!)
Snack  - 12 grams of protein.  3 grams of sugar.
  • 1/2 cup of 2% cottage cheese
  • blueberries on top
Dinner - ~15 grams of protein.  ~5 grams of sugar.
  • Whatever the family is eating.  I eat all of the meat and veggies first and just a few tablespoons of the carb.
Dessert - 12 grams of protein.  7 grams of sugar.
  • Light & Fit Greek yogurt with raspberries on top
Weekend - We eat out a lot.  I just focus on protein and veggies and try to watch the calories by limiting my portions.

I still drink alcohol, but I save it for the weekends.  And I just drink skinny margaritas and red wine.  Vodka is probably ultimate low sugar alcoholic drink, but hey, this is where I splurge:).  I do occasionally indulge in dark chocolate, too.  I've tried to eat the 90% cacao to really cut sugar, but it just doesn't taste that good.  So 70% cacao is where I've ended up.

I also want to say I have nothing against Weight Watchers.  I believe in it, but it doesn't always force you to eat the right balance of protein and carbs for your specific needs.

Stay tuned.  I will report back once I hit my 20% goal!  I may even post a picture:).






Wednesday, September 30, 2015

My Son Loves to Clean!

You probably decided to read this hoping I would offer tips about how to get your children to clean up after themselves.  And I truly wish I had tips for you, because heaven knows I could use them with our daughter.  But no, this is blog post about our 2.5 year old's latest passion - cleaning.

He is an adorable and quirky little kid.  So far he has had several different passions in his short life - construction vehicles, trains, and guitars.  But now he has moved on to cleaning.  Yes, you read that right...cleaning.  I can keep him occupied for at least 10 minutes by giving him a wipe and asking him to wipe the table or floor.  One of his favorite toys is his broom.  He desperately wants to control our vacuum cleaner and at the very least, watch it closely.  He's very, very sad when it's time to put it away.  He goes to Montessori pre-school, where they have "work" time for 1.5 hours a day.  During that time, they choose the activity or activities they want to work on.  My son almost exclusively spends the entire time cleaning the tables and floors.  They must love him!  They can get rid of their cleaning crew.

He loves cleaning so much that I found a cleaning trolley toy on Amazon.  I showed it to him and explained all of the gadgets it has (vacuum, broom, mop, spray bottle, bucket, etc.).  He lit up.  Then, I explained I would buy it for him if he learned to use the potty (which he has ironically been adamantly against...clearly, his cleanliness doesn't extend to poop).  The very next day he willingly agreed to sit on the potty at school!!!  I mean we don't have potty training success yet, but it definitely affirms his love of cleaning.

So it leads me to my point - I have discovered the latest and greatest toy for young children.  It motivates him to get dressed for school in the morning.  It motivates him to eat his dinner.  It motivates him to be nice to his sister.  What is this magnificent toy you ask?  A Swiffer.  He especially loves the Swiffer Sweeper Vac, followed by the Swiffer Wet Jet (we just take the cartridge out to prevent him from soaking the floor).  The motorized sounds offer definite appeal.





Now this could be cause for concern, but after a little research, I feel confident these aren't early signs of OCD.  Unfortunately, he will probably grow out of this interest, too.  And around the age of 16, I will be reminding him of this video hoping for some inspiration.  But in the meantime, I'll take it.

And may I suggest that even if your young child doesn't have a cleaning fascination, try busting out the Swiffer to offer some new entertainment.  It has been way better than sliced bread (which my son does not like) at our house!



Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Do You Love What You Do?

This question applies to however you spend your day - whether it's working or parenting or volunteering or living a life of leisure (if that applies to you, give us all tips to getting there).  Generation X and the generations younger than us have been told to "Do what you Love and Love what you Do."  That has gotten many people into ridiculous debt pursuing journalism at a cost of $100K in student loans.  It can also make us feel as if we've failed if we don't always LOVE what we are doing.   So it has made me ponder: 1) Am I doing what I really love?  and 2) Can people be happy and content if they aren't doing what they really love?

On my journey, I have taken many different turns.  I got my undergraduate degree in finance, but realized before graduating that I really didn't enjoy finance that much.  Following the stock market on a daily or hourly basis didn't exactly feel like my life long dream. So I went into technology consulting hoping to find my passion.  All I really found was that I didn't have a passion for technology.  So then, I went back to graduate school and got my MBA.  I concentrated in marketing and there I found something that fit.  I liked being a marketer.  I loved the psychology, the strategy, the and marketing campaigns.  I liked working in a team, and I liked that there was always something new.  But I didn't like the hours and the pressure and the lack of time and energy I had for anything else.

So then what?  I took a less stressful brand management job, but it wasn't challenging or very fulfilling.  I had children, which I loved, but I knew that I wasn't cut out for being a stay-at-home mom.  So I found myself working for another Fortune 100 company (but from home) leading incentive programs.  I had no experience in this, but I saw an opportunity and I decided to build it into my own business.  I also started Piece of Cake Parties, which of course, gave me an opportunity to own my own business.

And what I learned was I am quite happy and content with "what I do."  Now do I have a passion for incentive programs?  No.  Do I have a passion for dealing with paperwork and taxes?  No.  If I truly did what I love, I would sit around all day eating dark chocolate and drinking wine.  But nobody wants to pay me to do that (if you do want to pay me to do that, please let me know).  But overall, I'm very fulfilled and satisfied with what I do.  I like getting up each day, and I feel good going to bed each night.  I get to think strategically and creatively everyday.  I own my work.  I have autonomy, and I can see the results of my labor.  I truly identify with what I do.  It feels like it's a part of what makes me me.  And it fits with the rest of my life - I can still be a mom and wife and not feel inadequate in those areas (at least I don't feel that way on a regular basis).

I guess what I learned was I don't think you have to LOVE what you do (be it work or parenting) to be happy and make money.  It doesn't have to be your passion.  In fact, sometimes passions should be left as hobbies.  There's no quicker way to dislike something than to make it a job.  But I do think you have to feel fulfilled and satisfied with what you do.  It needs to interest you, motivate you and give you a sense of accomplishment.  And it needs to feel like it fits you.  And it needs to fit with the rest of your life.

Maybe instead of worrying about finding our passions, we just need to find the thing that interests us and that we can truly own.  Then, be the best at it that job that we can be.  That creates satisfaction and accomplishment, which I would argue is what most of us really want.

Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Easy, Fun Halloween Party Ideas for Kids

Despite the fact I own a party business, I rarely blog about party planning.  Probably because most people come to me, because they DON'T want to plan the party.

But as Halloween is approaching (and I am desperate for it to feel cooler outside), I have begun my Halloween party planning.  After all the key to good party planning is to plan early.  Makes it much less stressful and usually more economical, too.

If you are planning a Halloween party for kids this year, I have 10 great, EASY, Halloween kid activities to get your party started:

1.  Classic Mummy Wrap -  Divide the kids in groups of 2-4.  The kids wrap one child up as a mummy.  You can even judge the mummies and give prizes - fasted mummy, prettiest mummy, scariest mummy, etc.


2.  Decorate a pumpkin - Buy a bunch of mini pumpkins.  Add some paint, sticker, glitter, and any other craft item you like.  Then, let the kids create!  Again, you can judge the pumpkins at the end if you want - scariest, silliest, greenest, etc.  Or you could ask the kids to create the pumpkins in a theme.  For example, decorate all of the pumpkins to be a zoo animal and at the end, put the pumpkins together to make a pumpkin zoo!


3.  Pinata - This is super easy.  There are a ton of Halloween pinata options out there.  This is a creative way to distribute the much-loved and expected candy at every good Halloween party.


4.  Popcorn hand craft - All you need is a bag of candy corn, popcorn, and some clear latex gloves.  Insert one candy corn at the tip of each finger.  Then, fill the glove with popcorn.  Tie the glove off with some yard or string.  It makes for a great snack after the party!

5.  Cake Walk - An oldie but goodie.  Make a circle of numbers.  Then, play music while the kids walk in the circle.  When the music stops, you draw a number.  The child on that number wins a cupcake.  You can keep playing the game until everyone wins a cupcake (particularly if you are playing this with young kids).


6.  Witch Hat ring toss - Buy a half dozen inexpensive witch hats and some plastic, foam, or rubber rings.  Voila!  You have a Halloween ring toss.

7. Pumpkin bowling - Okay, this one could be a bit risky if you have boys.  You might want to do it outside or at least in a safe hallway.  But still, it's fun and easy!  You just need 10 cheap rolls of paper towels or toilet paper.  Use a Sharpie or cut out black paper circles to add a ghost face.  Set them up like pins, and let your guests use a small (key word here) pumpkin to knock down the ghost pins.


8.  Bean bag toss - You can make a bean bag toss out of a large cardboard box.  You can make one out of a large cleaned out pumpkin.  You can even use a cheap plastic trick or treat pumpkins.  Personally, I'm planning to use our existing bean bag toss (or corn hole as they call it in the Midwest).  I'm going to wrap it in paper and decorate it with Jack-o-lanterns and bats.
9.  Witch Hat Cookies - Let everyone make their own witch hat cookie.  All you need are some Oreos, Hershey Kisses, and a little orange icing.  Dip an unwrapped kiss in the orange icing and push it down on the Oreo.  If you want to get fancy, stick an M&M on the front for a buckle.

10.  Last but not least, a Costume Contest! - Every kid loves to wear their costume as many times as possible.  Make them feel special by having them model their costumes.  You can create many categories, so that everyone can win something.  Prettiest costume, scariest costume, loudest costume...just be fun and silly!


See these ideas aren't too hard to implement?  Plan early, eliminate the stress and have fun with it!





Wednesday, September 9, 2015

10 Things that are Different after 10 Years of Marriage

My husband and I are about to celebrate our 10 year anniversary.  10 whole years.  If you count the years before that, it's 12 years together.  That's more than a quarter of my life.  That's pretty amazing considering I wasn't sure if I would get married in the first place.

10 years ago, we lived in Ohio.  We had a town house on the river in Cincinnati.  We had two cats and no children, and we truly lived the Will Farrell's Old School quote -"Well, um, actually a pretty nice little Saturday, we're going to go to Home Depot. Yeah, buy some wallpaper, maybe get some flooring, stuff like that. Maybe Bed, Bath, & Beyond, I don't know, I don't know if we'll have enough time."  We said that quote every Saturday after our weekly outing (honestly, it was usually Lowe's but pretty much the same).  We took vacations regularly.  We took fun weekend trips.  We tried every new restaurant (even though there weren't that many in Cincinnati).  We were still fairly hip.

So to honor our 10 years together, I reflected on what is different about us and our lives together now vs. who we were and what we did 10 years ago.

1.  Earlier Bedtime
Then - A weekday date night consisted of watching 3 episodes of 24 and going to bed at 11:30.
Now - A weekday date night consists of watching 1 episode of the Daily Show and going to bed at 9:30.

2.  Lots More Honesty
Then - If I needed to talk to my husband about something serious, I thought about it for days and worried about the exact right time to bring it up.  Then, I would try to couch the issue in the nicest way possible and make sure he felt okay afterwards.

Now - Much more honesty and straight forwardness (is that a word?) now.  No time for hedging and cushioning.  Seriously, I'm lucky if I have 5 free minutes to talk, so when there's a gap in the conversation, the opportunity is seized.  We have 2.5 minutes to discuss the issue and 2.5 minutes to solve the problem.  It's all about getting it done.

3.  No More Home Projects
Then - As I said, we spent our weekends at Lowe's and Bed, Bath & Beyond.  I made my poor husband do a kitchen back splash that took him 20 hours, because I had a master vision.  We spent our entire Thanksgiving one year painting diamonds on a wall.  I often painted rooms 2 or 3 times, because I changed my mind on the color.  I had seen every episode or every show on HGTV at least twice.  I was in heaven!

Now - We haven't made any changes (even furniture changes) in our house since our son was born.  And seriously, the thought of doing a home project seems so unappealing now.  It took me 6 months to finally clean out the pantry and hallway closet.  And btw, those accomplishments felt just as good as the back splash accomplishment.

4.  It's Some Times Hard to Find Things to Talk About
Then - Everyday we had interesting conversations about our days at work.  We also knew everything going on in the world.  We knew the latest things happening in the city we lived in, and we had a lot more energy to discuss everything.

Now - I used to ask my parents if they ever just ran out of things to talk about.  I couldn't imagine it.  But I'm reaching a point, where I can see how that happens.  We try not to just talk about our kids, but our kids and job pretty much consume 95% of our time, so we don't know nearly as much about the rest of the world to help us engage in interesting conversation.  I realized this is why couples start double dating a lot - you need new people to share your old stories with.

5.  We are Truly a Family Now
Then - In theory, once you get married, you are a family unit.  But it still kind of felt like we were playing house.  I mean I was committed and didn't want to get divorced, but if my husband suddenly went off the deep end...I might have been inclined to chalk that one up to "my mistake" and move on.

Now - Now we are committed.  After 10 years of moving, buying and selling homes, changing jobs, struggling with familial relationships, having two children, going through the pain of infertility, going through lay offs, starting businesses, and really building a life together - we are in it for the long haul now.  I remember a friend once saying, "If you make it through 10 years, you know you are compatible.  After that, if you divorce, it's because someone really screwed up."  That's how I feel now.  One of us or both of us would really have to screw up to change things now.

6.  Dinner Time Is Less Appealing
Then - I used to love dinner time.  I sat at the bar drinking a glass of wine while my husband cooked.  Then, we had a leisurely dinner and talked.  The only bad part was the clean up.

Now - I just need to get through dinner time.  If I can contain the kids while my husband cooks and everyone eats at least 25% of the food on the plate and no one goes to time out during dinner, that is an awesome dinner!  And the clean up is literally my favorite part.

7.  We Appreciate Our Date Time
Then - I used to wonder why my MIL asked me if we had a date night.  I was thinking, "What are you talking about?"  There is no one else in the house.  Every night is date night.

Now - I truly understand why you need date nights once you have kids.  The first 20 minutes are some times even awkward.  It's like we're thinking, "Who are you?  What do we do when we aren't chasing children?"  Oh, you like other things besides trying to keep our children in line?  Huh, who knew?  By the end of the evening, I remember." Oh yeah.  I really like you.  I forgot that's why I dated you in the first place...not just because I knew you would be great at unloading the dishwasher and driving the kids to school."

8.  We See Three Movies a Year
Then - We went to the movie at least twice a month.  We watched 2-3 movies at home a week.  I always wondered how people didn't know what movies were out.  How did they not know Brad Pitt was in that new movie coming out Friday?  They must have their heads in the sand.

Now - Seriously, we see no more than three movies a year at the theater.  And you know what?  I don't care.  I usually don't even know what movies are out (hence, I don't miss them), and my life still manages to go on.  I am looking forward to being able to add this activity back to our family life at some point, but it turns out, it's not as critical as I once believed.

9.  We Are Both Better Communicators and Better Forgivers
Then - As I stated above, when there was a serious topic at hand, I thought about how to communicate it for days.  Then, usually, it still didn't go as planned.  And both of us were frustrated or angry.

Now - We have both learned how to leave emotional words out of these conversations.  We have both learned to listen to the other one, and we have both learned to compromise and find a solution.  We worry about who is right less (okay, this one is still hard).  In fact, we've both learned the art of apologizing.  Man, it makes everyone happier a lot faster!  As Dr. Phil says, "Sometimes the relationship just needs a hero."  We certainly aren't perfect, but we are much better.  Probably why we are still married

10.  We Know Where We Are Headed
Then - When we got married, we were fresh out of business school.  We were both starting new careers.  We had no idea where we wanted to live or if we wanted to have kids.  We didn't know if we wanted to join a church or join a country club.  And we didn't know what the other person wanted either.  Granted, we probably should have attended some pre-marital counseling to discuss these things...but nevertheless, it worked out.  But we had a lot of uncertainty and a lot of things to figure out.

Now - We found our home in Austin.  We have both found our careers and professional futures (mostly).  We figured out we did want to have kids - two, in fact.  We know what kind of family, work life balance we want.  Turns out we did want to join a church (but perhaps a country club is in our future too...guess we'll see).  We even have a financial advisor and retirement plan in place.  We've survived ups and downs and neither person walked out.  It feels like we have our foundation and now we know where we are headed.  That is awesome!

Life may be more stressful now and less leisurely, but it's full and it's meaningful and we are grateful everyday for it.  After 10 years, I can say we have definitely set the foundation for building a life for our family that we will be proud of and that we will enjoy.  And I'm so proud of us for doing it together.  It's a great accomplishment, and there are many more great accomplishments to come.

To my husband, I say thank you!  Thank you for loving me and wanting to marry me.  I love you more now than I did 10 years ago.  And I look forward to the next 40 (or 50) years together!












Wednesday, September 2, 2015

I'm Ready for My Kids to Grow Up!

I know a lot of moms might read that and say I'm crazy, but seriously, I was probably more excited than my daughter was for her to start kindergarten this past week.  I was giddy walking down the school hallway.  I marveled at all of the "big kid" things in the school.  I had no qualms about her taking the bus on the first day.  In fact, she didn't want to take the bus.  And I just said, "Trust me.  It will be awesome.  You are doing it."  I bought her backpack and lunch box in June, because I was so excited for her.  I just really love everything about it.  Am I crazy?

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not ready for her to go to college tomorrow.  And I did shed a tear driving to kindergarten the first day.  But once I dropped her off, I thought, "Wow.  We made it.  This is going to rock."

Truth be told, when I envisioned having kids, I always envisioned these years - the elementary years.  It wasn't a conscious thing, but obviously, my subconscious thought, "This is parenting.  This is the fun stuff."

I've noticed since my daughter was born that my joy (not passion but joy) of parenting has gone through cycles.  At the newborn stage, the joy was low...very low.  I was totally sleep deprived, overwhelmed, lonely, and bored out of my mind.  Then, she started sleeping through the night, and she developed the ability to interact and not just be a sack of potatoes (I mean a very cute sack, of course), and I started to see the joy.  The joy grew and lasted until she hit two and the terrible (very terrible) twos kicked in.  My joy faded.  Then, our son was born and the joy that I thought I would feel seeing my two beautiful children together was...well, minimal.  The stress of toddler rages and a newborn took its toll.  The newborn became the next great exploring toddler - always grabbing, opening, throwing, chewing, etc.  And the joy waned even more.  In fact, looking back, I might have even reached a small state of depression.  We powered through, of course, because what else can you do?  But there wasn't a lot of joy.  There was a lot of just survival.

Then, my son turned two and my daughter turned 4.5 and the joy began to return.  My daughter's rages had mostly subsided.  I could relax and not feel constantly anxious with her.  And my son developed enough awareness that I didn't constantly fear for his life and our house.  And slowly, the joy has continued to increase.  I don't notice it everyday.  But when I stop and reflect, I can easily see how we are more joyful now than we were a year ago.  My husband and I argue less and laugh more.  Frankly, I just like him more.  And I'm not always in mean mommy state.  I probably wasn't before, but it sure felt like it.  I guess I can say I like me more, too.

But the thing is, now we're in a stage where it just keeps getting better.  And so I can't really help myself.  Now that I see my daughter in kindergarten - her independence growing, her knowledge growing, her interest in the world around her growing.  I find myself wanting more of it.  I can't wait for her little brother to get there, too.  Although, right now, I would just be happy with him learning to use the potty...but I digress...

Everyone who has older kids says to enjoy these moments because they will go by fast.  And I'm sure once my kids have left home, I will long for just one more day of when they were two and five and gave mommy snuggles and said silly, silly things.  I'm absolutely sure I will feel that.  But then, I will spend a day with someone else's two and five year old and remember - oh yeah, I had to work really hard for those snuggles and silly moments.  Umm..yeah, forgot about that.

What I've realized is that parents aren't always cut out to be great at every stage of parenting.  Depending on your personality, you might love the younger years.  Or you might love the teenage years.  I think I'm best suited for the elementary years (and maybe the college years).  It doesn't mean I love my kids any differently in each stage, but I love the act of parenting differently.

So right now, I have to say - I'm so looking forward to the years to come!  I'm trying to pace myself.  But, really I'm thinking, "Bring it on!  This is what I've been waiting for."

Do you agree?  Are you better at some parenting stages than others?

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Do Your Kids Like Each Other?

My husband and I are both only children and while I think we both turned out fine, we both had an urge to have two children instead of just one.  But given that we had many fertility challenges to overcome to have children, it was definitely going to be a lot of effort to have a second child.  Therefore, we put a lot...I mean a lot...of thought into whether or not we really needed to (and really wanted to) have a second child.  Amazingly, we landed on the decision to have a second child (Trust me, there are days when we both look at each other and say, "Why did we do this to ourselves?  One was so much easier").

One of the primary things we thought about in making our decision was - what if we have two children and they don't even like each other?  What if we go through all of this effort and they don't even talk to each other once they move on to their own lives?  After all, our parents all had siblings and our parents were not terribly close to their respective siblings.  At times, I would say they didn't even like each other.  And after much thought and observation, I have to say that I'm pretty convinced (assuming siblings are relatively close in age), the future success of sibling relationships is largely determined by the parenting.  So how can we do it differently than our grandparents did (ha - see mom, it was all grandmama and poppa's fault)?

Now I can't tell you that I have fully tested this hypothesis.  Our children are only 5 and 2.  But I have developed a strategy for our little sibling experiment...based on observations so far.

Here's our 5 step strategy:

1.  Teach them to be kind and caring to each other when they are little
This seems obvious.  But I can tell you that having two little kids is really like having three kids - you parent the older one, you parent the younger one, and you parent all of the conflict between the two.  There are lots of days when I really want to say just duke it out (especially now that it's a fairer fight), because I'm too tired.  And truth be told, sometimes the only thing that gets me motivated to be a good parent is I cannot stand the screaming...but hey, whatever it takes.  Just make sure we put in the time now to teach them how to treat each other.

2.  Do not pick a favorite (and if for some reason you favor one, ensure you never show it)
Again, this seems obvious as an outsider.  But when you are parenting, sometimes you find one child is easier than the other.  And it might even switch.  Sometimes my son is easier and sometimes my daughter is easier.  But often, I gravitate toward the kid who is creating less drama and anxiety. So my husband and I have to work extra hard to make sure both kids get the same number of kisses, same number of hugs, same number of "At-ta boys and At-ta girls."   And I also have to recognize that our extra sensitive daughter some times needs 1.5 times the XOXOs in order to feel like she got the same number her younger brother got.  Fortunately, at this stage he still wouldn't notice if I gave the cat more kisses than I gave him.

3.  Make them apologize and forgive
Even if I don't think the discretion (accidental shove or misplaced toy) is significant, I know it's significant to my kids.  And I don't ever want them to harbor resentment towards each other because an apology wasn't made.  After all, it's pretty easy to say "I'm sorry."  So we say it a lot at our house.  It's a great habit, because our perfectionist daughter needs lots of practice apologizing.  Our son, on the other hand, can say "I'm sorry" like a champ!  We are preparing him to be an awesome husband.

4.  Make the family a team.
This applies to the kids not only helping each other but also spending time together.  At this point, our daughter does most of the helping with her brother, but his time will come.  I think it's also important to make sure the team has lots of family time together.  We do sacrifice birthday parties (okay, that's not always a sacrifice...once we made it to age 4, I was pretty much over the birthday party experience) and more individual activities, so that we are together as a family as much as possible.  I'm sure this is going to become increasingly difficult as the kids get older, but I promise to always make this one a priority.

So for those of you with older kids, what are your tips?  How did you parent your kids to encourage them to be best buds as they get older?

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Our Last Summer Hoorah (Mommy and Daddy Slept Like the Kids Went to Nana's House...for the Whole Weekend)!

We had one last summer vacation before school starts!  Where did we go?  The question is more like where did the kids go?....to Grandmama's house!

Let me tell you about our weekend vaca.  I apologize if I make you jealous.  Actually, I don't.  It was awesome.

Friday night started with dinner... with other carefree parents. It started at 7:30 PM (not 5:00 PM) and it was at an Argentinian restaurant (that did not have a playground).  Now we can of course, have date night and get a sitter and do that same thing any time.  But this evening didn't get kicked off with me throwing together a dinner of shells and cheese and corn dogs.  No one was simultaneously fighting me to not take a bath while also complaining that we were having a baby sitter.  And there's something really freeing about knowing that if we stay out late, drink a little too much, that's okay.  No one is going to wake us up at 7:00 AM.  The thing I observed about this evening was how much I enjoyed it.  I didn't even really know the people we were having dinner with that well.  It did not matter.  I just enjoyed that I didn't rush to get there, I didn't have to rush home to relieve a sitter, and I wasn't going to have to get up feeling tired and worn out in the morning.

Saturday morning didn't get kicked off until around 9:15 (11:00 for my husband).  I casually drank my coffee (I probably didn't get off the couch for a solid hour...amazing) and I watched some HGTV and Dateline.  My kids complain about house shows...and well, I think I should hold off for a few more years before I let them know mom is really into murder shows.  There was also no swim class and no Chick-Fil-A.  I'm sure Chick-Fil-A missed us.

Our afternoon was a leisurely one that didn't involve being home for nap time or planning a trip to the pool or bounce house in the afternoon.  I had a massage.  We had lunch and ran couple of errands.  We capped it off with a trip to the grocery store that was awesome!  Can I tell you that before we had kids, I used to rush us through the grocery store as fast as we could.  I couldn't stand wasting my Saturday on that.  Now, 6 years later, it seemed so luxurious to just peruse the store slowly.  We did every food tasting in the store.  We did every wine tasting in the store (and I mean that we enjoyed the tastings, not that we quickly took a wine shot to take the grocery experience edge off).  I loved the grocery store!  

We thought we would like to go see a movie that night, but we had waited too late to get tickets.  Who cares?  We could go on Sunday night.  So we ordered some sushi and downloaded a movie (Ex Machina, which btw, is a pretty good movie).  Again, so leisurely and so carefree.  

Sunday morning we played hookie from church (in our defense, our Sunday school teacher was on vacation, too).  My husband went for a bike ride and I went to spin class.  Those two things NEVER happen on Saturday or Sunday mornings...ever.  We followed that up with brunch with friends who have older kids, and we normally don't have the courage to impose our two year old on them.  I mean once you make it past toddlerhood, you are PAST toddlerhood.  We checked in for our lunch and they said it would be a 30 minute wait.  I'm like great.  Who cares?  You have a bar.  We've got nothing but time.  We did eventually wrap up our TWO HOUR brunch, so that we could get to other pressing activities (a pedicure and gun cleaning...I will let you guess which one I participated in).  And finally, we capped off a Sunday evening by going to a movie - a non animated movie.  

AHHH.   It was all so heavenly.  I didn't rush.  I didn't feel like I need to get somewhere, go faster, or think through all of the needs of my children for every possible scenario for every event on each day.  At the end of the weekend, I felt so relaxed and rested.  

I realized that my biggest struggle in parenthood right now is that we are going on close to 6 years of living on a very rigid schedule, with little flexibility and it has taken a toll on us.  Hence the reason a trip to the grocery store sans kids seems like a trip to "gay Paris".  But I also realized at the end of the weekend how much I missed my kids and I couldn't wait to give them a hug on Monday.  I'm not sure if we can make our family life more flexible and less rigid...I'm not sure if we can make our household feel calmer and more relaxed.  If I figure out how to crack those two nuts, I will for sure let you know the key.  But hopefully my renewed energy can carry me through...and if not, I will at least have the fond memories I can day dream about.


Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Will Your Kindergartner Be Successful in Life?

According to a results recently released from a 20 year study by the American Journal of Public Health, there are three traits that determine success in life.  And this prediction of success can be made in kindergarten.  That's right, according to this study, researchers can tell you if your child is likely to graduate from college, get arrested, or become addicted to drugs based on these 3 traits.  

So what are these traits you ask?  You might be surprised.  They have nothing to do with IQ, independence, or perseverance.  The 3 critical traits associated with success are the ability to Share, Cooperate, and Show Kindness (empathy).

I thought this study was amazing and yet not surprising at all.  I would love to interpret this as nice people in life come out on top.  But I don't think that's what this study really found.  It found that kids who have strong social and emotional skills have the greatest personal and professional success.  In kindergarten, kids who are developing strong social and emotional skills understand they have more success and popularity with their peers by sharing, cooperating, and being kind.  As these kids age, they may not be categorized as "the nice kid," because the "the nice kid" is often really "the quiet kid."  And quiet kids are sometimes quiet, because they don't know how to integrate and socialize with their peers.  Instead, these kids may be the leader on the playground or the class president or the club social chair.  They better understand how to read people, how to respond to people, how integrate themselves into peer groups, and how to manage emotions and relationships.

As an adult, this study makes perfect sense to me.  I know from my own personal experience, my personal and professional growth as an adult are both directly tied to my social and emotional growth.  I have a decent IQ and a good formal education.  However, the things that have held me back have always been related to emotional and social development.  My husband and I have often wondered why some of our friends have succeeded personally and professionally and some seem to constantly struggle.  And usually it's tied to emotional and social maturity and the ability to successfully navigate the world around them.

So as a parent, I have to say I loved reading this, because this is something I can take action on.  I can't determine my child's IQ.  I can probably have minimal influence on my child's athletic ability.  But I can definitely help my child learn to share, cooperate, and be kind.  And I can also use these traits as benchmarks to help me measure how I'm doing as a parent.  It doesn't mean that completing homework and studying for tests isn't also valuable, but it does mean that getting a 90 instead of 100 is probably okay.  Your child won't end up working at McDonald's for the rest of his/her life.

The other key lesson the researchers gave to parents - the best way to teach your children to share, cooperate, and be kind is to role model those traits.  So if you want your child to have a better chance at happiness and success in life, go home today and cooperate with your spouse, share with your friends, and be kind to your children.


Research Summary:
The study team tracked 753 male and female subjects. As kindergartners in the early 1990s, they were rated by teachers on a scale of one to five on skills such as sharing, being helpful, and listening to others.
The researchers followed the kindergartners for the next 20 years, noting their positive and negative milestones, such as whether they graduated from high school and college, had a police record, or dealt with substance abuse issues. 
The main finding: The kindergartners who scored highest on the social and emotional skill scale were up to four times more likely to turn out to be employed college grads without drug or alcohol problems or a police record. “For every one-point change on the one-to-five scale, the kids doubled their chances of being successful,” says Jones.

Wednesday, August 5, 2015

What's Wrong With You?

When I was pregnant with our son (and we knew he was a boy), a friend of ours said to me, "I want you to call me the day you look at him and think - what is wrong with you?"  Well, Jen VK, consider yourself called.  I look at my 2.5 year old son constantly and think, "What is wrong with you?"  Sometimes I even say it out loud (yes, I know.  I shouldn't).  You might be thinking this sounds mean coming from a mom, but let me tell you - if you have a girl first and a boy second, I don't know how you could not ask that question. Everyday.

Why is this you ask?  Well, let me just give you a few examples of the things he does on a daily basis.

This could be a script from the conversation we have everyday when he comes home from school:
Son - I want a banana.
Me - Son, we are going to eat dinner in 10 minutes.  Can you wait until then?
Son - <Screaming> No, I'm hungry.  I need a banana.
Me - Okay, you can have half a banana.  Are you sure you are going to eat it?
Son - Yes.
Me - Here's the banana.
Son - I don't want a banana.  I want yogurt.
Me - No, you asked for the banana.  Eat that or be hungry.
Son - <Tantrum>
Me - Son, there's a truck outside.
Son - Where?  I want to see it!  I want to see it!
Me - Go see it.  Look out the window.
Son - I can't.  I'm scared.  I need a banana.

Here's another daily anecdote:
Son - Can I throw this?  (holding up any number of objects in the house)
Me - Son, what can we throw?
Son - Balls.  Outside.
Me - Is that a ball?   Are you outside?
Son - No.  Can I throw it?

Another one of my favorites:
Son - I want a knife.
Me - You can't have a knife.
Son - Why?
Me - It will cut you.  Owee.
Son - I want a knife.
Me - Son, it will cut you and hurt you.
Son - I want a knife.
Me - It will hurt you and we will have to go to the hospital.
Son - I want to go to the hospital.

Last but not least:
As we drive down the road to go to a restaurant for lunch-
Son - I want to go to Flores.
Me - Son, we are going to Chick-Fil-A
Son - Is Flores closed?
Me - Yes, it's closed (it's not, but that has become a simpler explanation)
Son - I want to go to Craig-O's.
Me - We are going to Chick-Fil-A
Son - Is Craig-O's closed?
Me - Yes.
Son - I want to go to Chuck E Cheese (We never go there.  I don't even know how this is in his consideration set, but I guess he always wants to just give it a shot.)
Me - We are going to Chick-Fil-A
Son - Ok.
We pull up to Chick-Fil-A.
Son - Are we going to Flores?

Seriously?  I know the kid is not dumb.  He can figure out solutions to problems.  He can engineer and un-engineer toys like a pro.  But holy cow - as my husband said, "All of the cylinders in that little brain are not firing correctly."

If you only have boys, you can probably relate but may not see anything unusual by these conversations.  If you have girls, you know that girls don't have conversations like these...at any age.

Please know that I actually know there isn't anything wrong with my son.  He's just a boy.  And I love and adore him to pieces.  He melts my heart and cracks me up everyday (as you can see from above examples).

But I'm just curious...for those of you with boys - at what age do the cylinders start firing?  Like 20?

Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Vacation Success (with Kids)!

A couple of weeks ago we took a mini family vacation to Great Wolf Lodge.  If you haven't been to Great Wolf Lodge, here's a brief summary.  It's a family resort that includes an indoor water park, outdoor water park, arcade, kid spa, adult spa, adventure quests, crafts and activities, restaurants, and a lot of other expensive merchandising opportunities.  It's a fun place for a short family getaway.

Now we have traveled with the kids before.  However, we have usually traveled to visit friends or family.  We haven't taken a real vacation since our son was a baby (and you can hardly call a trip with a 7 month old a vacation).  For some families, taking a 5 year old and 2 year old to Great Wolf Lodge probably doesn't seem like an accomplishment, but for our family, it was a major accomplishment.

First, vacations have historically been hard for our daughter, because they over-stimulate her.  She had a hard time transitioning from one activity to another.  That means that every time we left one activity to go to another, we faced a potential meltdown (which she might not recover from).  She was so in love with what we were doing, she didn't want it to end.  And she had such anxiety about doing something new that she didn't want to go to the new thing.  I used to marvel at our friends taking their 4 year olds to Disney World.  I couldn't imagine anything worse than taking our 4 year old to Disney World.  But let me say, at 5.5, I think we have finally crossed into "highly sensitive child" sanity!  Our daughter did great.  She was flexible.  She compromised.  She ate new foods.  She had a blast.  And there were no meltdowns.  Hallelujah!

Secondly, we have a 2 year old boy.  That might say it all.  But I will elaborate.  If there were a scale of 1-10 for childhood exploration (1 being the least and 10 being the most), our son would be a 12.  Once he learned to walk, we could no longer leave anything on a surface he could reach.  He would find it in .5 seconds and proceed to eat it, throw it, knock it over, or move it to an unknown location.  Every room was gated and locked so that I only had to supervise a limited area in the house.  I literally haven't taken my eyes off him in a year and a half, because I know he's always 5 seconds away from death or bodily harm.  As you can imagine, he's also not fond of the stroller either, because well, that's very limiting for his exploration needs.  So therefore, taking him somewhere where he could walk freely in a crowd - holy cow - not going to happen.  To go to GWL and be able to somewhat manage him without strollers, leashes, or obsessive supervision was amazing!  Now he wasn't perfect.  We lost him at least 3 times I can think of, but happily, we recovered him within 60 seconds each time.

The next challenge has been logistics.  I'm not the type of person who says, "Let's just go!  I don't care if we have to bring everything but the kitchen sink.  It's not going to keep me from traveling."  No sirree.  I hate the logistical nightmare of towing a trailer of baby gear and then, no one getting sleep once you get there because of less than optimal sleeping arrangements.  On this trip, for the first time, our children both slept in normal beds in the same room together!  They took naps...at the same time...in the same room.  They went to bed at the same time.  Amazing.  And both kids can sit in regular chairs.  Both kids can drink out of normal cups.  Both kids can eat regular food.  Really the only baby thing we had to bring were diapers.  WOW!

Next on the amazing list - water safety.  For the first time, I could be alone with both of our kids in a pool (a large pool) and not be totally stressed out.  Our daughter is a confident swimmer now.  Not only do I trust her, she trusts herself, so she doesn't need my help and guidance constantly in the water.  I can also focus my attention on the 2 year old for the most part without constant fear that someone is drowning.  And my 2 year old wasn't too bad either.  As long as he had his puddle jumper on, I was actually more concerned about him wandering off than drowning.

Last but certainly not least, our daughter is now tall enough and brave enough to do things that mom and dad think are fun - water slides!  We have been in supervision and kid activity mode for so long, I had really almost forgotten how great it would be to get to do things I enjoy with my kids.  I'm happy to report, this little trip gave us a taste of that.  We certainly aren't completely there yet.  But I see the light.  We are on the upswing as far as the manual labor stage of parenting goes.  We are headed toward the light of childhood fun (before we hit the teenage angst).  And I'm so looking forward to it!


Wednesday, July 22, 2015

The Introvert Challenge!

I am an introvert.  I tell people that, and they usually respond, "No, you aren't.  You aren't shy."  Many people confuse the true definition of introversion and extroversion.  They don't have anything to do with shyness.  

An introvert processes information internally.  This is the person who just shows up one day and announces "I got a new job" and you had no idea they were looking for a new job.  And an introvert re-energizes by escaping the stimulation of the outside world and other people.  They like parties, but they also really like going home at the end of the day.  

An extrovert processes information externally.  This is the person who needs to talk through everything before making a decision.  And an extrovert gets their energy from being around people.  For this person, sitting at home by themselves is almost painful.

So my point here is that my introversion characteristic has largely shaped my path in this world - my career, my goals, my decision-making, where I live, lots of things.  But in the past few years, I have taken on roles that have really challenged my approach to life.  I decided to start two new businesses.  I knew I had the business acumen to put together a profitable business, but I didn't know if I could actually sell my business.  Extroverts are sales people, not introverts.  But I didn't have millions of advertising dollars to hide behind, so I would have to be the face of the business. I would have to go out into the world and sell myself.  I would have to pretend to be an extrovert.  Scary.

First, I had to face rejection.  People wouldn't get my idea.  People might not like me or what I had to offer, but I had to be prepared to hear that, still have confidence in myself and business, and move on to the next person.  This was really hard at first.  But for every person who didn't get it, there was someone who did.  And that gave me the confidence I needed to keep going, keep adjusting my business and my message, and get even better.  What an amazing life experience!  And one that I should have had 20 years ago, but I didn't have the courage then.  To anyone who hasn't forced themselves into a position to really put themselves out there and face rejection, I highly recommend it.  Your life will be forever changed and improved!  Imagine what you can accomplish if get rid of your fear of rejection.

Next, I had to learn how to lean on others.  When you don't have millions of advertising dollars to lean on, you need other people to be your advocates.  Often times, those people are actually other business owners (virtual strangers), not friends and family.  I have really built my life around being independent and not needing help from anyone.  So not only was it hard to ask for help, it was also hard to learn how facilitate the types of relationships that will generate help.  

Which leads me to my last point.  I've learned a completely new approach to business relationships (which I could apply to my personal relationships, too).  I have learned to approach relationships with the idea of what can I do to help this person.  This is so brilliant that I can't believe I never understood this concept before.  I have struggled my whole life with asking people for help.  I felt guilty imposing upon them.  But by approaching people with idea that I want to help them first...that takes all of the pressure off when I actually need to ask them for something.  Big duh moment for me.  And of course, it ensures I'm building relationships with other people who have the same approach...and thus, I'm building relationships with the kinds of people who are going to be most successful.

So for all of the introverts out there who think being a business owner or going into sales sounds scary or painful, I recommend giving it a shot at some point.  It will feel scary and painful, but it will be so freeing!  You will be amazed what you can accomplish once you've experienced the extrovert world for awhile.