I'm Ready for My Kids to Grow Up!

I know a lot of moms might read that and say I'm crazy, but seriously, I was probably more excited than my daughter was for her to start kindergarten this past week.  I was giddy walking down the school hallway.  I marveled at all of the "big kid" things in the school.  I had no qualms about her taking the bus on the first day.  In fact, she didn't want to take the bus.  And I just said, "Trust me.  It will be awesome.  You are doing it."  I bought her backpack and lunch box in June, because I was so excited for her.  I just really love everything about it.  Am I crazy?

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not ready for her to go to college tomorrow.  And I did shed a tear driving to kindergarten the first day.  But once I dropped her off, I thought, "Wow.  We made it.  This is going to rock."

Truth be told, when I envisioned having kids, I always envisioned these years - the elementary years.  It wasn't a conscious thing, but obviously, my subconscious thought, "This is parenting.  This is the fun stuff."

I've noticed since my daughter was born that my joy (not passion but joy) of parenting has gone through cycles.  At the newborn stage, the joy was low...very low.  I was totally sleep deprived, overwhelmed, lonely, and bored out of my mind.  Then, she started sleeping through the night, and she developed the ability to interact and not just be a sack of potatoes (I mean a very cute sack, of course), and I started to see the joy.  The joy grew and lasted until she hit two and the terrible (very terrible) twos kicked in.  My joy faded.  Then, our son was born and the joy that I thought I would feel seeing my two beautiful children together was...well, minimal.  The stress of toddler rages and a newborn took its toll.  The newborn became the next great exploring toddler - always grabbing, opening, throwing, chewing, etc.  And the joy waned even more.  In fact, looking back, I might have even reached a small state of depression.  We powered through, of course, because what else can you do?  But there wasn't a lot of joy.  There was a lot of just survival.

Then, my son turned two and my daughter turned 4.5 and the joy began to return.  My daughter's rages had mostly subsided.  I could relax and not feel constantly anxious with her.  And my son developed enough awareness that I didn't constantly fear for his life and our house.  And slowly, the joy has continued to increase.  I don't notice it everyday.  But when I stop and reflect, I can easily see how we are more joyful now than we were a year ago.  My husband and I argue less and laugh more.  Frankly, I just like him more.  And I'm not always in mean mommy state.  I probably wasn't before, but it sure felt like it.  I guess I can say I like me more, too.

But the thing is, now we're in a stage where it just keeps getting better.  And so I can't really help myself.  Now that I see my daughter in kindergarten - her independence growing, her knowledge growing, her interest in the world around her growing.  I find myself wanting more of it.  I can't wait for her little brother to get there, too.  Although, right now, I would just be happy with him learning to use the potty...but I digress...

Everyone who has older kids says to enjoy these moments because they will go by fast.  And I'm sure once my kids have left home, I will long for just one more day of when they were two and five and gave mommy snuggles and said silly, silly things.  I'm absolutely sure I will feel that.  But then, I will spend a day with someone else's two and five year old and remember - oh yeah, I had to work really hard for those snuggles and silly moments.  Umm..yeah, forgot about that.

What I've realized is that parents aren't always cut out to be great at every stage of parenting.  Depending on your personality, you might love the younger years.  Or you might love the teenage years.  I think I'm best suited for the elementary years (and maybe the college years).  It doesn't mean I love my kids any differently in each stage, but I love the act of parenting differently.

So right now, I have to say - I'm so looking forward to the years to come!  I'm trying to pace myself.  But, really I'm thinking, "Bring it on!  This is what I've been waiting for."

Do you agree?  Are you better at some parenting stages than others?