My Letter To Santa

Dear Santa,

I just want to start out by saying I do love Christmas.  Really, I do.  But I have to be honest - despite this season bringing about the wonderful feeling of giving, I often find it brings about some feelings of neglect.  Mommy tends to do all of the giving and little of the receiving.  So I pondered why this is.  Is it because I have a 3 year old and 5 year old who haven't mastered the art of giving?  Oh surely, not.  Is it because my husband is a bit of a Grinch and feels like Christmas is something to be survived, not celebrated?  No, no, of course not.  Is it because I receive at least one email a day from someone asking me to buy something, donate something, or volunteer for something?  I can't imagine that's true.  Is it because I have to orchestrate all of the happiness of the season for the whole family?  Again, no, that just can't be it.  So I've come to the conclusion it must be because I don't write a letter to you any more to clearly ask for what I want for Christmas. So I decided to fix that problem this year!  Here's what I want this year -

1.  My children to learn the art of using their inside voices.  If I only got one thing, this would be it, Santa.  If nothing else, a little laryngitis for awhile might work.

2.  A special elf or helper to do the laundry every week.  I mean can't we make Tickles be productive?

3.  The ability to eat an endless supply of dark chocolate almonds without gaining weight.  Oh and cookie butter, too!  Really - this is a not a lot to ask.  You don't even have to supply the dark chocolate almonds or cookie butter.

4.  Make fantasy football and Draft Kings illegal.  And whoever invented daily fantasy football should get coal in his (assuming only a man could do this) stocking.

5.  Make Instacart or Amazon grocery expand to where we live.  Oh how I wish for the day when we will have grocery delivery. That will be a happy, happy day, Santa.

6.  Make my kids think veggies taste like cookies or candy.  How glorious it would be for one of them to ask me, "Mommy, please can we have green beans for dinner tonight?"  I promise this doesn't mean we will be serving you milk and green beans next year.

7.  A magical, non-surgical mommy makeover.  You know - take a little fat out here and there.  Give me a little tummy tuck.  Surely, if you can fly toys for millions of children all over the world in a tiny sleigh led by 9 reindeer, you can get rid of a little cellulite.

8.  Last but not least, if you must put something in your sleigh for me, I'll take a new Tori Burch bag and a Dyson V6 Cordless vacuum.

Thanks, Santa!  Really appreciate it.  I'm feeling better already.

Love,
Mommy...I mean Jennifer