So My Daughter Wants To Be a Mommy When She Grows Up

A few months ago, my 5 year old daughter says to me out of the blue, "I want to be a mommy when I grow up!"  "You do?" I say, "You can also be a vet and take care of animals.  You could be a teacher.  You can be a mommy and something else."  "No," she said, "I want to be a mommy."  My heart (irrationally) sank.  Now that reaction might surprise you.  It, in fact, surprised me.  After all, wasn't she saying this because I'm such an amazing mommy and she just wants to be like me?   Shouldn't I see that as a compliment?  Really, I should admire her goal, because at her age I wanted to be a Dallas Cowboy cheerleader.  No offense to the sport of cheerleading, but I can confidently say being a mommy is a much more admirable goal that being a professional cheerleader.

So then why did I have that internal negative response?  I really had to think about this.  As a woman, I feel so strongly that women should support, not judge, each other in whatever choice(s) we make to raise our families.  If you work, great!  If you stay at home, great!  If you do both, great!  If your husband stays at home, great!  Really, I don't judge others in whatever choice they make, because there is no one right answer - just a complex equation of figuring out the right solution for everyone in your family.

So then, if my daughter was to grow up to be a stay-at-home mommy, why would I have any concern about that?  Now, I want you to know I recognize the likelihood of my daughter being serious about any goal she sets at age 5 is slim to none, so it's not as if I thought I needed to start career coaching her through kindergarten.  It was really about the principle of the matter.  If I think it's okay to choose whichever life works for you, why would that principle not apply to my own children?

I think it comes down to this.  As her mommy, I want her to have endless opportunities in life.  And if I'm really honest, I also want her to be financially secure on her own, so that she is empowered to take care of herself and her family if she needs to.  I don't think it's wrong for me to want these things for my child.  I want the best for her.  But it does highlight that I have a natural bias based on my choices.  And I will need to keep that in check as a I raise my children to ensure they make the choices that are right for them.  I can give them information and food for thought.  But at the end of the day, I need to understand my children and help them reach the goals that are right for them.  I know this consciously, but sometimes my unconscious needs a reminder.

By the way, I did ask my daughter why she wanted to be a mommy.  You know what the answer was?  "I want to make the rules."  It turns out my daughter may have a future in management after all!