Recently, I did some traveling for business and had plenty of time to kill on an airplane so I read a book! Amazingly novel (ha ha ha). I read What Alice Forgot by Liane Moriarty. I have read some of Moriarty's books before, and I admit her writing style hooks me. She tells you the end of the story and then lets the story unfold to explain how the characters got to the end.
In What Alice Forgot, she tells the story of a 39 year old affluent mother of 3, who is on the verge of divorce, hits her head in the gym and gets amnesia. Well, a form of amnesia. Alice wakes up thinking she's 29, happily married, and pregnant with her first child. She doesn't remember anything about the previous ten years. Admittedly, that would be a shocking feeling. Alice is scared to look in the mirror, because she's sure she must look dreadful at 39. She can't believe her sister appears to dislike her, and she's shocked that her mother has turned into a party girl. But most importantly, she is shocked to see that her previously adoring husband now despises her and her oldest daughter (who she thought was still pregnant with) thinks she's dreadful. Alice simply can't imagine what must have happened in 10 years for her life to end up like this. And so the story unfolds.
Without giving away the plot of the story, I will tell you that really not much out of the ordinary happened to Alice. She just lived life the way most of us do. And the day-to-day struggles of parenthood, family, and friends took a toll on her and her husband. In the end, she sees there are definitely things her 39 year old self could learn from her 29 year old self and vice versa.
It certainly prompts the question - what did your 29 year old self think you would be like at 39? I think my 29 year old self thought I would be a much cooler parent. I think I would be shocked that I primarily dine at restaurants that have playgrounds simply because they have playgrounds (I mean seriously, I don't even like the food usually). I think I would be shocked how little I hold my husband's hand and give him a quick kiss. I think I would be surprised that I don't just adore everything about my children (not that I historically adored children, but I thought I would adore my own). I would not be pleased with the loose skin on my stomach or that my thighs still haven't magically disappeared. I would be surprised that I don't get butterflies in my stomach when my husband enters the door (seriously, I think I would). I would definitely be surprised at how few movies I see, how few books I read, and how few meals I eat in peace. I would be shocked that we go to church - that my husband goes to church - yes, that would shock me for sure. I would be shocked and amazed at how much I juggle everyday. In fact, I think if my 29 year old self saw that, my 29 year old self would have been officially scared out of having kids.
But I hope I would be pleased with how much I had accomplished. I think I would love that I live in Austin! I hope I would be impressed that I actually gave birth (there was a day when I never thought I would get enough courage to do that) to two children, who for the most part, think I'm a pretty good mom. I hope I would be impressed that I've been married for almost 10 years...to the same person...and we have never contemplated divorce (at least I hope not). I hope I would be pleased at how many memories we've created together in the past 10 years.
What Alice learned, as I guess we all do, is that our 29 year old selves are very idealistic. We can't imagine the toll daily challenges can take on us. You know what I mean. Keeping score on how many times each person has emptied the dishwasher, getting frustrated by one spouse working more and helping with the kids less, feeling that your spouse or sibling doesn't empathize enough with your daily struggles. The frustrations and hurt feelings can build up over years so that you don't even know how you got there or how to go back. BUT we should remember that the idealism of our 29 year old selves occasionally, because it could prevent the pettiness of daily challenges building up over time. If your 29 year old self would be disappointed in where you are at 39 or 49, maybe you should ask yourself why. Your 29 year old self might have some wisdom to share.
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