Recently, I did some traveling for business and had plenty of time to kill on an airplane so I read a book! Amazingly novel (ha ha ha). I read What Alice Forgot by Liane Moriarty. I have read some of Moriarty's books before, and I admit her writing style hooks me. She tells you the end of the story and then lets the story unfold to explain how the characters got to the end.
In What Alice Forgot, she tells the story of a 39 year old affluent mother of 3, who is on the verge of divorce, hits her head in the gym and gets amnesia. Well, a form of amnesia. Alice wakes up thinking she's 29, happily married, and pregnant with her first child. She doesn't remember anything about the previous ten years. Admittedly, that would be a shocking feeling. Alice is scared to look in the mirror, because she's sure she must look dreadful at 39. She can't believe her sister appears to dislike her, and she's shocked that her mother has turned into a party girl. But most importantly, she is shocked to see that her previously adoring husband now despises her and her oldest daughter (who she thought was still pregnant with) thinks she's dreadful. Alice simply can't imagine what must have happened in 10 years for her life to end up like this. And so the story unfolds.
Without giving away the plot of the story, I will tell you that really not much out of the ordinary happened to Alice. She just lived life the way most of us do. And the day-to-day struggles of parenthood, family, and friends took a toll on her and her husband. In the end, she sees there are definitely things her 39 year old self could learn from her 29 year old self and vice versa.
It certainly prompts the question - what did your 29 year old self think you would be like at 39? I think my 29 year old self thought I would be a much cooler parent. I think I would be shocked that I primarily dine at restaurants that have playgrounds simply because they have playgrounds (I mean seriously, I don't even like the food usually). I think I would be shocked how little I hold my husband's hand and give him a quick kiss. I think I would be surprised that I don't just adore everything about my children (not that I historically adored children, but I thought I would adore my own). I would not be pleased with the loose skin on my stomach or that my thighs still haven't magically disappeared. I would be surprised that I don't get butterflies in my stomach when my husband enters the door (seriously, I think I would). I would definitely be surprised at how few movies I see, how few books I read, and how few meals I eat in peace. I would be shocked that we go to church - that my husband goes to church - yes, that would shock me for sure. I would be shocked and amazed at how much I juggle everyday. In fact, I think if my 29 year old self saw that, my 29 year old self would have been officially scared out of having kids.
But I hope I would be pleased with how much I had accomplished. I think I would love that I live in Austin! I hope I would be impressed that I actually gave birth (there was a day when I never thought I would get enough courage to do that) to two children, who for the most part, think I'm a pretty good mom. I hope I would be impressed that I've been married for almost 10 years...to the same person...and we have never contemplated divorce (at least I hope not). I hope I would be pleased at how many memories we've created together in the past 10 years.
What Alice learned, as I guess we all do, is that our 29 year old selves are very idealistic. We can't imagine the toll daily challenges can take on us. You know what I mean. Keeping score on how many times each person has emptied the dishwasher, getting frustrated by one spouse working more and helping with the kids less, feeling that your spouse or sibling doesn't empathize enough with your daily struggles. The frustrations and hurt feelings can build up over years so that you don't even know how you got there or how to go back. BUT we should remember that the idealism of our 29 year old selves occasionally, because it could prevent the pettiness of daily challenges building up over time. If your 29 year old self would be disappointed in where you are at 39 or 49, maybe you should ask yourself why. Your 29 year old self might have some wisdom to share.
Wednesday, June 24, 2015
Wednesday, June 17, 2015
Here's to the Fun Dads in My Life
In honor of Father's Day, I thought I would take a few minutes to talk about the two amazing dads in my life - My dad and my kids' dad (AKA my husband). As exhausted moms, we often spend our energy talking about how our husbands don't do as much, worry as much, or care as much as we do. Whether that's true or not, one thing dads typically do better than moms is play more, be silly more, and act like a kid more. Oh, how I marvel at that skill.
My kids visited my parents (Camp Grandmama & Granddad) last week. The moment my son saw Granddad, he was in awe. Seriously, my son just looked at him and smiled from ear to ear for at least 3 minutes. It was like he was seeing a superhero. Why? I'm not sure, but I have to think it has something to do with my dad being the fun one.
After dinner when we are hanging out as a family, the person my kids go to is their dad. Why? Because he flips them over, tickles them, and generally acts like a goof ball.
My husband and my dad have the unique ability to look at things like spinning chairs and beds and see play toys and gyms. I, on the other hand, immediately see what can go wrong with jumping on the bed or spinning in a chair. But the men in my life seize the opportunity to have a couple of minutes of fun - much to the delight of my children.
When I was a kid, my dad dressed up as a Sioux Indian Chief, so that he could be the leader of our YMCA Indian Princess group. And while moms, might have thought it was silly, I think my dad actually thought it was pretty fun.
My husband turns a chore like taking the trash out into a fun adventure to the curb. Who knew there was so much exciting stuff to see on the driveway - rolly pollies, worms, rocks, and maybe even someone mowing their lawn (my son's fav)!
I could go on and on, but what I want to say is I'm so glad there are good dads in the world. Because while rules and order are necessary, dads make us smile more. Dads find silliness in everyday things. Dads create magical memories. So this Sunday, if you know a good dad, tell him you love him and appreciate him - and tell him you really do appreciate the kid in him (despite what you will say on Monday when he's goofing off instead of getting the kids to clean up toys)!
My kids visited my parents (Camp Grandmama & Granddad) last week. The moment my son saw Granddad, he was in awe. Seriously, my son just looked at him and smiled from ear to ear for at least 3 minutes. It was like he was seeing a superhero. Why? I'm not sure, but I have to think it has something to do with my dad being the fun one.
After dinner when we are hanging out as a family, the person my kids go to is their dad. Why? Because he flips them over, tickles them, and generally acts like a goof ball.
My husband and my dad have the unique ability to look at things like spinning chairs and beds and see play toys and gyms. I, on the other hand, immediately see what can go wrong with jumping on the bed or spinning in a chair. But the men in my life seize the opportunity to have a couple of minutes of fun - much to the delight of my children.
When I was a kid, my dad dressed up as a Sioux Indian Chief, so that he could be the leader of our YMCA Indian Princess group. And while moms, might have thought it was silly, I think my dad actually thought it was pretty fun.
My husband turns a chore like taking the trash out into a fun adventure to the curb. Who knew there was so much exciting stuff to see on the driveway - rolly pollies, worms, rocks, and maybe even someone mowing their lawn (my son's fav)!
I could go on and on, but what I want to say is I'm so glad there are good dads in the world. Because while rules and order are necessary, dads make us smile more. Dads find silliness in everyday things. Dads create magical memories. So this Sunday, if you know a good dad, tell him you love him and appreciate him - and tell him you really do appreciate the kid in him (despite what you will say on Monday when he's goofing off instead of getting the kids to clean up toys)!
Wednesday, June 10, 2015
Something No One Tells Moms...
As most of you know whether you live in Texas or not, Texas has experienced a great deal of flooding this spring. It has been a huge blessing and relieved the state from a 4 year drought, but very sadly, it has brought a lot of devastation and tragedy.
One story that stood out to me is the story of the McComb family from Corpus Christi. A quick background - family of four, including 2 young children who were spending the Memorial Day weekend in a house on the river in Wimberley, TX. The river rose incredibly quickly - 30 feet in one hour - and their house was actually swept off its foundation and taken down river. The house hit a bridge, broke in two, and the husband was separated from the rest of the family. Miraculously, the husband and dog survived. But very sadly, the wife and two young children did not.
I can hardly type the summary of their story without crying, because I can only imagine how scared and helpless the parents must have felt - to know that your children's lives are very much in jeopardy and you have no way to help them. You cannot calm their fears. You cannot save them. There is no entry in the parent manual for rescuing your children in a house floating down a river.
This story brings me to my point. I never realized before I became a mom that my media viewing and reading would forever be changed just because I was a mom. The moment I became a mom, I instantly felt every mother's pain, every child's pain, and even every father's pain. Here's how my media viewing has changed -
1. Commercials - I used to cry through the SPCA commercials (you know the ones that play Sarah McLachlan's "Angel"). Now, I'm not going to say those are cheerful ads to me now, but they don't come close to affecting me the way the St. Jude ads do. Oh my gosh, I want to give all of my inheritance to St. Jude's every time I see those ads. Or that Johnson & Johnson ad where the nurse is helping the girl with her cancer meds - geez - I cry every time.
2. News - I used to read every news story on CNN. I was completely up-to-date on our war efforts. Now? I am terribly uneducated on our latest warfare initiatives. It's not because I don't care. I just cannot read about soldiers and civilians dying every day. Because in my mind, every soldier is someone's child or parent. Every civilian is someone's child or parent. I would literally lose an hour of each day due to crying if I read CNN's war stories everyday.
3. TV Shows - Last week, I shared my love of Bravo. Well, I love Bravo, because it is total escapism. I really only have tolerance now for sitcoms and reality TV. Seriously, I watch The Daily Show, Bravo, Modern Family, Black-ish, and Silicon Valley. That's it. My husband forced me through the entire series of Breaking Bad...it was torture. Don't get me wrong. It's a well-written, acted, and directed show. But watching an entire family slowly deteriorate and self-destruct unnecessarily was really painful to watch week after week.
4. Books - Now, I don't have a great deal of time to read these days, but when I do, what do I choose? Something light-hearted or a thriller or a ghost story. I don't even have a great deal of interest in reading educational books any more. I just need total fictional escapism. By the way, I need a new book, too. If you have recommendations, please let me know.
5. Movies - Again, I rarely see movies any more. And when I do, it's almost always animated. But if I were to choose a movie, I assure you it would not be Shindler's List. It would not be Sophie's Choice. It would not be any number of amazing movies that involve suffering and sadness, particularly related to a child. In the short period of time, I have to watch a movie, I do not want to spend that time in a sad, deep depression, watching a drama-filled, emotional film.
To rap it up, I just didn't realize that being a mom would radically increase my capacity to empathize and sympathize with every mother and child around the world. I had no idea that my heart would be so full of compassion for parents and children I don't even know. And if you are already a mom, you know what I'm talking about. If you are planning to become a mom, make sure you get in all of your emotional media viewing now!
One story that stood out to me is the story of the McComb family from Corpus Christi. A quick background - family of four, including 2 young children who were spending the Memorial Day weekend in a house on the river in Wimberley, TX. The river rose incredibly quickly - 30 feet in one hour - and their house was actually swept off its foundation and taken down river. The house hit a bridge, broke in two, and the husband was separated from the rest of the family. Miraculously, the husband and dog survived. But very sadly, the wife and two young children did not.
I can hardly type the summary of their story without crying, because I can only imagine how scared and helpless the parents must have felt - to know that your children's lives are very much in jeopardy and you have no way to help them. You cannot calm their fears. You cannot save them. There is no entry in the parent manual for rescuing your children in a house floating down a river.
This story brings me to my point. I never realized before I became a mom that my media viewing and reading would forever be changed just because I was a mom. The moment I became a mom, I instantly felt every mother's pain, every child's pain, and even every father's pain. Here's how my media viewing has changed -
1. Commercials - I used to cry through the SPCA commercials (you know the ones that play Sarah McLachlan's "Angel"). Now, I'm not going to say those are cheerful ads to me now, but they don't come close to affecting me the way the St. Jude ads do. Oh my gosh, I want to give all of my inheritance to St. Jude's every time I see those ads. Or that Johnson & Johnson ad where the nurse is helping the girl with her cancer meds - geez - I cry every time.
2. News - I used to read every news story on CNN. I was completely up-to-date on our war efforts. Now? I am terribly uneducated on our latest warfare initiatives. It's not because I don't care. I just cannot read about soldiers and civilians dying every day. Because in my mind, every soldier is someone's child or parent. Every civilian is someone's child or parent. I would literally lose an hour of each day due to crying if I read CNN's war stories everyday.
3. TV Shows - Last week, I shared my love of Bravo. Well, I love Bravo, because it is total escapism. I really only have tolerance now for sitcoms and reality TV. Seriously, I watch The Daily Show, Bravo, Modern Family, Black-ish, and Silicon Valley. That's it. My husband forced me through the entire series of Breaking Bad...it was torture. Don't get me wrong. It's a well-written, acted, and directed show. But watching an entire family slowly deteriorate and self-destruct unnecessarily was really painful to watch week after week.
4. Books - Now, I don't have a great deal of time to read these days, but when I do, what do I choose? Something light-hearted or a thriller or a ghost story. I don't even have a great deal of interest in reading educational books any more. I just need total fictional escapism. By the way, I need a new book, too. If you have recommendations, please let me know.
5. Movies - Again, I rarely see movies any more. And when I do, it's almost always animated. But if I were to choose a movie, I assure you it would not be Shindler's List. It would not be Sophie's Choice. It would not be any number of amazing movies that involve suffering and sadness, particularly related to a child. In the short period of time, I have to watch a movie, I do not want to spend that time in a sad, deep depression, watching a drama-filled, emotional film.
To rap it up, I just didn't realize that being a mom would radically increase my capacity to empathize and sympathize with every mother and child around the world. I had no idea that my heart would be so full of compassion for parents and children I don't even know. And if you are already a mom, you know what I'm talking about. If you are planning to become a mom, make sure you get in all of your emotional media viewing now!
Wednesday, June 3, 2015
Andy Cohen is My Hero
Amidst all of the seriousness of working, running two businesses, and raising two children, my favorite guilty pleasure is Bravo. In fact, I would go so far as to say I don't even feel guilty watching it any more. I openly admit that I love watching the ridiculous lives of the Housewives, the Shahs, and the unemployed Charlestonians of Southern Charm.
I started out watching one Housewives show, which gradually led to another, and then another. And now I find that I will pretty much watch anything that Andy Cohen airs. I even like the scripted shows on Bravo (I find it hysterical that Bravo has to clarify that these shows are indeed "scripted"). I love Bravo so much it was the reason we did not get rid of cable. And at this point, if Bravo would offer their own Roku channel, I could get rid of cable and just buy Bravo.
So why is this? Seriously, how does Andy Cohen know middle aged suburban women so well? Very good question.
In the midst of the flooding and tragedy here in Texas, I thought I would practice a little escapism and contemplate just why Andy Cohen is such a genius. (By the way, if you don't know who Andy Cohen is (sacrilege), he is the creator and producer of the Real Housewives shows).
1. Obviously, watching women who live very above average lives, is fascinating. This is probably why I love the Beverly Hills show so much. I LOVE seeing the mansions and opulent wealth. Lisa Vanderpump's closet is bigger than my bedroom, and I have a decent sized bedroom. The parties they throw are amazing! Adrienne Maloof probably spends more on one party than I will make in 10 years. Crazy.
2. We love to judge. Despite these women being wealthy, they are also pretty dysfunctional. Most of the people on Bravo's reality shows are narcissistic, self-absorbed people. (A few are not - love Lisa Rinna and Yolanda Foster - which I will address next. But most of them are.) They do not know how to share. They do not know how to get along. And watching them all interact with each other makes for awesome TV. Lots of yelling, name-calling, childish behavior. I typically walk away from a viewing with a nice sense of superiority.
3. There is still someone we can relate to. I do think this is the reason Andy Cohen's shows are more likable than other reality shows (like those on E). There is always at least one person on the show who has some common sense. Like Cameran on Southern Charm. The rest of those cuckoos have no idea what it's like to have to support themselves and live responsible, accountable lives. Cameran seems to be the one person who recognizes that and puts each person in his/her place. You can enjoy watching the ridiculousness of Whitney and Thomas, because she grounds the show in some sort of reality.
4. Reality drama is better than fictional drama. I don't know why this is, but it's true! I can't stand the thought of watching a soap opera (daytime or night time). Grey's Anatomy has never been appealing to me. Soap operas seem fake and melodramatic. The Real Housewives are melodramatic, too, but they aren't (at least not entirely) fake. And for some reason the lure of getting to see what really goes on behind the walls of glamorous of mansions in Beverly Hills, Orange County, and the Hamptons is more appealing than watching a fictional drama. I hate to admit it, but perhaps I actually start to care about some of these people because they are real...and at age 40, it's really hard for me to care about a fictional character.
At any rate, I just want to extend a heart-felt thank you to Bravo and Andy for keeping me entertained and distracted from the stresses of life! Without you (and HBO), I might have to do something productive like read a book. And that would really be a shame.
I started out watching one Housewives show, which gradually led to another, and then another. And now I find that I will pretty much watch anything that Andy Cohen airs. I even like the scripted shows on Bravo (I find it hysterical that Bravo has to clarify that these shows are indeed "scripted"). I love Bravo so much it was the reason we did not get rid of cable. And at this point, if Bravo would offer their own Roku channel, I could get rid of cable and just buy Bravo.
So why is this? Seriously, how does Andy Cohen know middle aged suburban women so well? Very good question.
In the midst of the flooding and tragedy here in Texas, I thought I would practice a little escapism and contemplate just why Andy Cohen is such a genius. (By the way, if you don't know who Andy Cohen is (sacrilege), he is the creator and producer of the Real Housewives shows).
1. Obviously, watching women who live very above average lives, is fascinating. This is probably why I love the Beverly Hills show so much. I LOVE seeing the mansions and opulent wealth. Lisa Vanderpump's closet is bigger than my bedroom, and I have a decent sized bedroom. The parties they throw are amazing! Adrienne Maloof probably spends more on one party than I will make in 10 years. Crazy.
2. We love to judge. Despite these women being wealthy, they are also pretty dysfunctional. Most of the people on Bravo's reality shows are narcissistic, self-absorbed people. (A few are not - love Lisa Rinna and Yolanda Foster - which I will address next. But most of them are.) They do not know how to share. They do not know how to get along. And watching them all interact with each other makes for awesome TV. Lots of yelling, name-calling, childish behavior. I typically walk away from a viewing with a nice sense of superiority.
3. There is still someone we can relate to. I do think this is the reason Andy Cohen's shows are more likable than other reality shows (like those on E). There is always at least one person on the show who has some common sense. Like Cameran on Southern Charm. The rest of those cuckoos have no idea what it's like to have to support themselves and live responsible, accountable lives. Cameran seems to be the one person who recognizes that and puts each person in his/her place. You can enjoy watching the ridiculousness of Whitney and Thomas, because she grounds the show in some sort of reality.
4. Reality drama is better than fictional drama. I don't know why this is, but it's true! I can't stand the thought of watching a soap opera (daytime or night time). Grey's Anatomy has never been appealing to me. Soap operas seem fake and melodramatic. The Real Housewives are melodramatic, too, but they aren't (at least not entirely) fake. And for some reason the lure of getting to see what really goes on behind the walls of glamorous of mansions in Beverly Hills, Orange County, and the Hamptons is more appealing than watching a fictional drama. I hate to admit it, but perhaps I actually start to care about some of these people because they are real...and at age 40, it's really hard for me to care about a fictional character.
At any rate, I just want to extend a heart-felt thank you to Bravo and Andy for keeping me entertained and distracted from the stresses of life! Without you (and HBO), I might have to do something productive like read a book. And that would really be a shame.
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