Dear Santa,
I just want to start out by saying I do love Christmas. Really, I do. But I have to be honest - despite this season bringing about the wonderful feeling of giving, I often find it brings about some feelings of neglect. Mommy tends to do all of the giving and little of the receiving. So I pondered why this is. Is it because I have a 3 year old and 5 year old who haven't mastered the art of giving? Oh surely, not. Is it because my husband is a bit of a Grinch and feels like Christmas is something to be survived, not celebrated? No, no, of course not. Is it because I receive at least one email a day from someone asking me to buy something, donate something, or volunteer for something? I can't imagine that's true. Is it because I have to orchestrate all of the happiness of the season for the whole family? Again, no, that just can't be it. So I've come to the conclusion it must be because I don't write a letter to you any more to clearly ask for what I want for Christmas. So I decided to fix that problem this year! Here's what I want this year -
1. My children to learn the art of using their inside voices. If I only got one thing, this would be it, Santa. If nothing else, a little laryngitis for awhile might work.
2. A special elf or helper to do the laundry every week. I mean can't we make Tickles be productive?
3. The ability to eat an endless supply of dark chocolate almonds without gaining weight. Oh and cookie butter, too! Really - this is a not a lot to ask. You don't even have to supply the dark chocolate almonds or cookie butter.
4. Make fantasy football and Draft Kings illegal. And whoever invented daily fantasy football should get coal in his (assuming only a man could do this) stocking.
5. Make Instacart or Amazon grocery expand to where we live. Oh how I wish for the day when we will have grocery delivery. That will be a happy, happy day, Santa.
6. Make my kids think veggies taste like cookies or candy. How glorious it would be for one of them to ask me, "Mommy, please can we have green beans for dinner tonight?" I promise this doesn't mean we will be serving you milk and green beans next year.
7. A magical, non-surgical mommy makeover. You know - take a little fat out here and there. Give me a little tummy tuck. Surely, if you can fly toys for millions of children all over the world in a tiny sleigh led by 9 reindeer, you can get rid of a little cellulite.
8. Last but not least, if you must put something in your sleigh for me, I'll take a new Tori Burch bag and a Dyson V6 Cordless vacuum.
Thanks, Santa! Really appreciate it. I'm feeling better already.
Love,
Mommy...I mean Jennifer
Thursday, December 17, 2015
Thursday, December 3, 2015
To Elf or Not to Elf? That is the Question!
Like most modern households with young children, we host a little Elf (on the Shelf), Tickles, during the holiday season. He came to us 3 years ago (care of my mother...love you, mom) and has stayed ever since. At first, his greatest interest to our daughter was that he occasionally brought candy. Gradually, our daughter caught on to the humor the elf occasionally exhibited (if mom had time). I could see some fun in this, but that was usually squashed by the anxiety I would feel waking up in the morning realizing I forgot to move Tickles the night before.
But this year, the elf has become a major source of drama in our house. It started before Thanksgiving. My daughter begged us to put up the Christmas decorations, and as it was almost Thanksgiving (and I do love Christmas)...we obliged. The decorations went up and instantly, our 5.5 year old daughter expected Tickles to appear. I kindly reminded her that he usually arrives after Thanksgiving (I mean mommy can't find 6 weeks worth of new places for that stupid elf to sit on), so maybe she should be patient. That had little effect. Each morning, she eagerly came upstairs and desperately searched the house for Tickles. And when he was no where to be found, she was heartbroken.
I couldn't stand it. So...Tickles arrived early. She was joyous! Our almost 3 year old son was also happy once he realized candy was involved, but he really couldn't care less about the elf itself. This lasted for all of one day. Two days into it, our daughter begins behaving terribly. I mean isn't that the point of this doll? It helps keep your kids in line, right? After a series of 30 questions, my daughter finally bursts into tears and says she's sad that Tickles has to go back to the North Pole. "Are you worried about him flying back every night?" I say. "No," she says. "I don't want him to leave after Christmas and go back to the North Pole. I want him to stay with us forever." <BIG SIGH>
You have got to be kidding me. We have at least 30 more days with this elf and she is already mourning his departure? And everyday since she has moped around dreading the day her beloved Tickles leaves. We have had 3 meltdowns over the elf already. What is the point of this elf? He's torturing my daughter, and he's torturing me!
But now I'm trapped. We can't get rid of him this holiday season - that could send her over the edge. And how would I explain that he never returns next year? She was bad. Her brother was bad. Tickles moved. Tickles died. Santa quit. Santa fired the elves. Really, no good options.
So I beg of you parents who have yet to introduce this elf to your family - think about it. Really think about it. It's a lot of work. And if you have a sensitive child, the elf could backfire on you. Do not let the ultra creative parents guilt you into this tradition. You have plenty other parenting ways you can excel that don't involve remembering to move a doll around every night and creating nightly messes. I promise.
But this year, the elf has become a major source of drama in our house. It started before Thanksgiving. My daughter begged us to put up the Christmas decorations, and as it was almost Thanksgiving (and I do love Christmas)...we obliged. The decorations went up and instantly, our 5.5 year old daughter expected Tickles to appear. I kindly reminded her that he usually arrives after Thanksgiving (I mean mommy can't find 6 weeks worth of new places for that stupid elf to sit on), so maybe she should be patient. That had little effect. Each morning, she eagerly came upstairs and desperately searched the house for Tickles. And when he was no where to be found, she was heartbroken.
I couldn't stand it. So...Tickles arrived early. She was joyous! Our almost 3 year old son was also happy once he realized candy was involved, but he really couldn't care less about the elf itself. This lasted for all of one day. Two days into it, our daughter begins behaving terribly. I mean isn't that the point of this doll? It helps keep your kids in line, right? After a series of 30 questions, my daughter finally bursts into tears and says she's sad that Tickles has to go back to the North Pole. "Are you worried about him flying back every night?" I say. "No," she says. "I don't want him to leave after Christmas and go back to the North Pole. I want him to stay with us forever." <BIG SIGH>
You have got to be kidding me. We have at least 30 more days with this elf and she is already mourning his departure? And everyday since she has moped around dreading the day her beloved Tickles leaves. We have had 3 meltdowns over the elf already. What is the point of this elf? He's torturing my daughter, and he's torturing me!
But now I'm trapped. We can't get rid of him this holiday season - that could send her over the edge. And how would I explain that he never returns next year? She was bad. Her brother was bad. Tickles moved. Tickles died. Santa quit. Santa fired the elves. Really, no good options.
So I beg of you parents who have yet to introduce this elf to your family - think about it. Really think about it. It's a lot of work. And if you have a sensitive child, the elf could backfire on you. Do not let the ultra creative parents guilt you into this tradition. You have plenty other parenting ways you can excel that don't involve remembering to move a doll around every night and creating nightly messes. I promise.
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