Dear Santa,
I just want to start out by saying I do love Christmas. Really, I do. But I have to be honest - despite this season bringing about the wonderful feeling of giving, I often find it brings about some feelings of neglect. Mommy tends to do all of the giving and little of the receiving. So I pondered why this is. Is it because I have a 3 year old and 5 year old who haven't mastered the art of giving? Oh surely, not. Is it because my husband is a bit of a Grinch and feels like Christmas is something to be survived, not celebrated? No, no, of course not. Is it because I receive at least one email a day from someone asking me to buy something, donate something, or volunteer for something? I can't imagine that's true. Is it because I have to orchestrate all of the happiness of the season for the whole family? Again, no, that just can't be it. So I've come to the conclusion it must be because I don't write a letter to you any more to clearly ask for what I want for Christmas. So I decided to fix that problem this year! Here's what I want this year -
1. My children to learn the art of using their inside voices. If I only got one thing, this would be it, Santa. If nothing else, a little laryngitis for awhile might work.
2. A special elf or helper to do the laundry every week. I mean can't we make Tickles be productive?
3. The ability to eat an endless supply of dark chocolate almonds without gaining weight. Oh and cookie butter, too! Really - this is a not a lot to ask. You don't even have to supply the dark chocolate almonds or cookie butter.
4. Make fantasy football and Draft Kings illegal. And whoever invented daily fantasy football should get coal in his (assuming only a man could do this) stocking.
5. Make Instacart or Amazon grocery expand to where we live. Oh how I wish for the day when we will have grocery delivery. That will be a happy, happy day, Santa.
6. Make my kids think veggies taste like cookies or candy. How glorious it would be for one of them to ask me, "Mommy, please can we have green beans for dinner tonight?" I promise this doesn't mean we will be serving you milk and green beans next year.
7. A magical, non-surgical mommy makeover. You know - take a little fat out here and there. Give me a little tummy tuck. Surely, if you can fly toys for millions of children all over the world in a tiny sleigh led by 9 reindeer, you can get rid of a little cellulite.
8. Last but not least, if you must put something in your sleigh for me, I'll take a new Tori Burch bag and a Dyson V6 Cordless vacuum.
Thanks, Santa! Really appreciate it. I'm feeling better already.
Love,
Mommy...I mean Jennifer
Thursday, December 17, 2015
Thursday, December 3, 2015
To Elf or Not to Elf? That is the Question!
Like most modern households with young children, we host a little Elf (on the Shelf), Tickles, during the holiday season. He came to us 3 years ago (care of my mother...love you, mom) and has stayed ever since. At first, his greatest interest to our daughter was that he occasionally brought candy. Gradually, our daughter caught on to the humor the elf occasionally exhibited (if mom had time). I could see some fun in this, but that was usually squashed by the anxiety I would feel waking up in the morning realizing I forgot to move Tickles the night before.
But this year, the elf has become a major source of drama in our house. It started before Thanksgiving. My daughter begged us to put up the Christmas decorations, and as it was almost Thanksgiving (and I do love Christmas)...we obliged. The decorations went up and instantly, our 5.5 year old daughter expected Tickles to appear. I kindly reminded her that he usually arrives after Thanksgiving (I mean mommy can't find 6 weeks worth of new places for that stupid elf to sit on), so maybe she should be patient. That had little effect. Each morning, she eagerly came upstairs and desperately searched the house for Tickles. And when he was no where to be found, she was heartbroken.
I couldn't stand it. So...Tickles arrived early. She was joyous! Our almost 3 year old son was also happy once he realized candy was involved, but he really couldn't care less about the elf itself. This lasted for all of one day. Two days into it, our daughter begins behaving terribly. I mean isn't that the point of this doll? It helps keep your kids in line, right? After a series of 30 questions, my daughter finally bursts into tears and says she's sad that Tickles has to go back to the North Pole. "Are you worried about him flying back every night?" I say. "No," she says. "I don't want him to leave after Christmas and go back to the North Pole. I want him to stay with us forever." <BIG SIGH>
You have got to be kidding me. We have at least 30 more days with this elf and she is already mourning his departure? And everyday since she has moped around dreading the day her beloved Tickles leaves. We have had 3 meltdowns over the elf already. What is the point of this elf? He's torturing my daughter, and he's torturing me!
But now I'm trapped. We can't get rid of him this holiday season - that could send her over the edge. And how would I explain that he never returns next year? She was bad. Her brother was bad. Tickles moved. Tickles died. Santa quit. Santa fired the elves. Really, no good options.
So I beg of you parents who have yet to introduce this elf to your family - think about it. Really think about it. It's a lot of work. And if you have a sensitive child, the elf could backfire on you. Do not let the ultra creative parents guilt you into this tradition. You have plenty other parenting ways you can excel that don't involve remembering to move a doll around every night and creating nightly messes. I promise.
But this year, the elf has become a major source of drama in our house. It started before Thanksgiving. My daughter begged us to put up the Christmas decorations, and as it was almost Thanksgiving (and I do love Christmas)...we obliged. The decorations went up and instantly, our 5.5 year old daughter expected Tickles to appear. I kindly reminded her that he usually arrives after Thanksgiving (I mean mommy can't find 6 weeks worth of new places for that stupid elf to sit on), so maybe she should be patient. That had little effect. Each morning, she eagerly came upstairs and desperately searched the house for Tickles. And when he was no where to be found, she was heartbroken.
I couldn't stand it. So...Tickles arrived early. She was joyous! Our almost 3 year old son was also happy once he realized candy was involved, but he really couldn't care less about the elf itself. This lasted for all of one day. Two days into it, our daughter begins behaving terribly. I mean isn't that the point of this doll? It helps keep your kids in line, right? After a series of 30 questions, my daughter finally bursts into tears and says she's sad that Tickles has to go back to the North Pole. "Are you worried about him flying back every night?" I say. "No," she says. "I don't want him to leave after Christmas and go back to the North Pole. I want him to stay with us forever." <BIG SIGH>
You have got to be kidding me. We have at least 30 more days with this elf and she is already mourning his departure? And everyday since she has moped around dreading the day her beloved Tickles leaves. We have had 3 meltdowns over the elf already. What is the point of this elf? He's torturing my daughter, and he's torturing me!
But now I'm trapped. We can't get rid of him this holiday season - that could send her over the edge. And how would I explain that he never returns next year? She was bad. Her brother was bad. Tickles moved. Tickles died. Santa quit. Santa fired the elves. Really, no good options.
So I beg of you parents who have yet to introduce this elf to your family - think about it. Really think about it. It's a lot of work. And if you have a sensitive child, the elf could backfire on you. Do not let the ultra creative parents guilt you into this tradition. You have plenty other parenting ways you can excel that don't involve remembering to move a doll around every night and creating nightly messes. I promise.
Wednesday, November 18, 2015
Am I the Only Mom Who Thinks Time Changes Suck?
Years ago, I used to love "falling back." What was not to love about it? You got an extra hour of sleep! You got an extra hour in your weekend (it almost felt like a vacation)! And for a short period of time, waking up in the morning didn't feel absolutely painful.
Now "falling back" and "springing forward" suck. I wish the government would pick a time and stay with it. As many of you know, adjusting young kids to a new time change is not for the faint-at-heart. This year "falling back" seems to have been particularly painful in our family. We were not only battling the time change but our soon-to-be three year old son simultaneously decided now is the time he wants to start getting out of his bed at night and in the morning.
For two entire years (not exaggerating), we have had the absolutely perfect sleeper in our family. Not once have we gotten up with him in the middle of the night since he was 8 months old. He didn't make a single peep ever. He didn't attempt to get out of his toddler bed. He was perfect. Amazing, right? Well, he's done with that. Now he has discovered he can get out of bed and boy is he interested in all the fun that can come with that.
So once we "fell back," it meant our son was awake at 6 AM and be-bopping out of bed to go wake up his sister. His sister, as I've mentioned many times before, needs sleep more than anything in life to maintain her emotional stability (and hence mom and dad's sanity). This of course, led to sleep deprivation for both kids, which led to a downward spiral of behavior and thus, the chaos began.
Once our daughter becomes sleep deprived, she struggles with controlling her anxiety. That means every time she feels slightly out of control, slightly wronged, or slightly unheard, her anger is level goes sky high. She hasn't had a serious meltdown in months. This past week, we've had 3. I mean the kind where no one in the house can talk, because nothing can be heard except for her. Anxiety and sleep deprivation cause her to wake in the night, so thus, she started waking us up every night. That, of course, leads to sleep deprivation of mom and dad...which is never good. Patience goes down the drain when mom and dad are tired.
Our son isn't significantly better. After all, he's two. So in the past two weeks, we have had a meltdown every morning, because either we won't give him the entire box of _____ (cereal, pancakes, etc.) or we won't let him use the adult scissors to cut ______. And his normal, "No. I do want that" statements have turned into "NOOOOOOOOOO. I DOOOOOOO WANT THAAAAAAT!!!!!!!"
Oh it's been a joy to be in our house. What I can say is this isn't our first rodeo with time changes and yes, we know this too shall pass. The benefit of it getting dark earlier is our kids willingly go to bed earlier and gradually they are sleeping later and gradually, peace will be restored. But man, I just wish Congress (by that I mean the men who probably had wives who dealt with this) could experience a time change with young kids just once and I'm sure they would clearly vote to just pick a time and stick with it!
Now "falling back" and "springing forward" suck. I wish the government would pick a time and stay with it. As many of you know, adjusting young kids to a new time change is not for the faint-at-heart. This year "falling back" seems to have been particularly painful in our family. We were not only battling the time change but our soon-to-be three year old son simultaneously decided now is the time he wants to start getting out of his bed at night and in the morning.
For two entire years (not exaggerating), we have had the absolutely perfect sleeper in our family. Not once have we gotten up with him in the middle of the night since he was 8 months old. He didn't make a single peep ever. He didn't attempt to get out of his toddler bed. He was perfect. Amazing, right? Well, he's done with that. Now he has discovered he can get out of bed and boy is he interested in all the fun that can come with that.
So once we "fell back," it meant our son was awake at 6 AM and be-bopping out of bed to go wake up his sister. His sister, as I've mentioned many times before, needs sleep more than anything in life to maintain her emotional stability (and hence mom and dad's sanity). This of course, led to sleep deprivation for both kids, which led to a downward spiral of behavior and thus, the chaos began.
Once our daughter becomes sleep deprived, she struggles with controlling her anxiety. That means every time she feels slightly out of control, slightly wronged, or slightly unheard, her anger is level goes sky high. She hasn't had a serious meltdown in months. This past week, we've had 3. I mean the kind where no one in the house can talk, because nothing can be heard except for her. Anxiety and sleep deprivation cause her to wake in the night, so thus, she started waking us up every night. That, of course, leads to sleep deprivation of mom and dad...which is never good. Patience goes down the drain when mom and dad are tired.
Our son isn't significantly better. After all, he's two. So in the past two weeks, we have had a meltdown every morning, because either we won't give him the entire box of _____ (cereal, pancakes, etc.) or we won't let him use the adult scissors to cut ______. And his normal, "No. I do want that" statements have turned into "NOOOOOOOOOO. I DOOOOOOO WANT THAAAAAAT!!!!!!!"
Oh it's been a joy to be in our house. What I can say is this isn't our first rodeo with time changes and yes, we know this too shall pass. The benefit of it getting dark earlier is our kids willingly go to bed earlier and gradually they are sleeping later and gradually, peace will be restored. But man, I just wish Congress (by that I mean the men who probably had wives who dealt with this) could experience a time change with young kids just once and I'm sure they would clearly vote to just pick a time and stick with it!
Wednesday, November 11, 2015
My Top Tips for Making the Holidays Easy and Pain Free
Once you get married and have kids and especially if you also host the holidays, the holidays get stressful fast. Whether it's balancing the families and in-laws or dealing with hosting while also caring for small children or just choosing between all of the events and parties, it can really take the fun out of the holidays. So over the years, I have cultivated a holiday routine that simplifies my life, because heaven knows, the holidays are full-time mom. Dad's contribution is the Christmas lights and then, he considers his job done (but to his credit, he does do a bang-up job). Sorry, I digressed. But the key here is creating a routine you can repeat each year. Starting from scratch every year will make the holidays more overwhelming than they need to be.
Here are my tips:
1. Outsource the meals - Seriously, if you have little kids, there is no joy in spending days cooking a meal for Thanksgiving or Christmas. Everyone is miserable during the cooking process and the kids certainly don't appreciate it. So...don't do it. Lots of grocery stores (like Whole Foods) and restaurants sell ready-made fantastic Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners. They don't cost that much more than if you made it yourself, and you will also save yourself that painful shopping trip the week of the holiday with other 3 million holiday shoppers. Do not feel guilty. Don't let your in-laws make you feel guilty. If they do, let them cook next year. Outsource will enable you to really enjoy the day with your kids and family, which is far more meaningful.
2. Shop online - Given that this is 2015, it seems a little silly to be saying this. But I still talk to so many friends who are reluctant to do this. You can get your shopping done in an hour instead of days. You family doesn't know the difference. You don't get bonus points for suffering in retail stores.
3. Dedicate one day to shopping - So for everything you can't buy online (candy, stocking stuffers, food, etc.), dedicate one day to buying these items and call it done. Personally, I go to Christmas Affair in Austin every year. They have 200+ booths. I drink, enjoy, and shop. I am determined to find everything I need that day and then, I'm done.
4. Select 3 Events and say No to Everything Else - There are so many things to go to and attend during the holidays that you can feel overwhelmed. You don't have to feel that way. I also think it's important to build traditions during the holidays, so I take the approach of choosing a few things we do every year. That way I know at the beginning of the season what we are doing, what I need to buy tickets for, and what I need to put on the calendar. We might end up doing other things if we have time and want to, but I don't feel obligated to at all.
5. Streamline your Christmas Cards - I know a lot of people would say just give up the tradition of the Christmas card. But I truly like sending and receiving Christmas cards. For my non-Facebook using friends who live far away, this may be the only time I really get an update on their family. I don't want to lose that. BUT Christmas cards can be very time consuming, so here's what I do:
Here are my tips:
1. Outsource the meals - Seriously, if you have little kids, there is no joy in spending days cooking a meal for Thanksgiving or Christmas. Everyone is miserable during the cooking process and the kids certainly don't appreciate it. So...don't do it. Lots of grocery stores (like Whole Foods) and restaurants sell ready-made fantastic Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners. They don't cost that much more than if you made it yourself, and you will also save yourself that painful shopping trip the week of the holiday with other 3 million holiday shoppers. Do not feel guilty. Don't let your in-laws make you feel guilty. If they do, let them cook next year. Outsource will enable you to really enjoy the day with your kids and family, which is far more meaningful.
2. Shop online - Given that this is 2015, it seems a little silly to be saying this. But I still talk to so many friends who are reluctant to do this. You can get your shopping done in an hour instead of days. You family doesn't know the difference. You don't get bonus points for suffering in retail stores.
3. Dedicate one day to shopping - So for everything you can't buy online (candy, stocking stuffers, food, etc.), dedicate one day to buying these items and call it done. Personally, I go to Christmas Affair in Austin every year. They have 200+ booths. I drink, enjoy, and shop. I am determined to find everything I need that day and then, I'm done.
4. Select 3 Events and say No to Everything Else - There are so many things to go to and attend during the holidays that you can feel overwhelmed. You don't have to feel that way. I also think it's important to build traditions during the holidays, so I take the approach of choosing a few things we do every year. That way I know at the beginning of the season what we are doing, what I need to buy tickets for, and what I need to put on the calendar. We might end up doing other things if we have time and want to, but I don't feel obligated to at all.
5. Streamline your Christmas Cards - I know a lot of people would say just give up the tradition of the Christmas card. But I truly like sending and receiving Christmas cards. For my non-Facebook using friends who live far away, this may be the only time I really get an update on their family. I don't want to lose that. BUT Christmas cards can be very time consuming, so here's what I do:
- I have all of my addresses in an Excel spreadsheet
- I have a Word doc that automatically pulls the addresses into a 3 column document that I print on address labels (happy to share my templates if anybody wants them)
- I order stamps from USPS (that's right, I don't even go to the post office)
- I order my cards and return address labels super early. I made my card in September.
- So all I really have to do is spend 30 minutes assembling my cards, and then, I'm done! I have even paid the babysitter an extra $20 to stuff Christmas cards for me when I was desperate.
6. Give photos as gifts - One of the most time consuming holiday activities is trying to figure out what to give the grandparents. They don't need or really want anything. So...give them photos and photo gifts. They like them. It's easy. You don't have to rethink this every year. Just go to Shutterfly and have a ball!
7. Buy gifts when you travel - If you do have the luxury of traveling to interesting places, buy gifts then. Everyone loves to shop when they travel, so this gives you a good excuse. And gifts from your travel experiences are special and let loved ones know you were thinking of them while on vacation. AND when the holidays come around, you're like, "Wow. I already have a gift. Check!"
8. Make decorating a family affair - What to do with the whole family while you are trapped in the house on Thanksgiving with no where to go? Decorate. I make sure the tree (well, who am I kidding...trees, plural...I'm little crazy about Christmas decorating) are setup ahead of time. Then, the family decorates the trees while we watch the Macy's parade.
9. Spend as much time as possible doing the things you really enjoy about the holidays - I love listening to Christmas music, so I listen to it all of the time. Shamelessly. But it reduces the holiday stress oddly. I also like looking at Christmas lights (which my kids do too). We frequently subject my husband to driving around neighborhoods to just look at lights. It's easy and requires no planning, and I really feel like we are enjoying the holidays. And lastly, I drink hot chocolate. This is the one time of year I feel entitled to just drink hot chocolate, because it's a part of the holiday spirit.
Here's to hoping you survive and hopefully enjoy the holidays with minimal stress! I know you can do it.
Wednesday, November 4, 2015
Does Your Child Do These Things?
I write a lot about my daughter and her hypersensitivity to lots of things. But I don't write as much about my son. Why? Well, because he has for the most part coped with our family life and not really required a lot of extra energy or knowledge to understand. He has been a typical little boy. He hasn't had developmental delays. His social skills are developing. He listens (most of the time) and makes eye contact well. He communicates very well. In fact, he's amazingly good at expressing himself and his feelings. He loves to play and go places. He is for the most part an awesome little kid.
But he's nearing 3 and he has some...let's call them "quirks"...that don't seem to be going away. Like what you might ask?
First and foremost, he grabs and touches EVERYTHING. Always has, ever since he started crawling. It doesn't matter if you tell him it's hot or dangerous, he still desperately wants to touch everything. I will tell him my coffee is hot, and he asks if he can put his finger in it and see. We tell him knives will cut him and give him a big boo and he asks if he can just hold them gently. Taking him into a store is a huge challenge, because even though he might try to contain his impulse to grab things, he doesn't do it terribly well. So the trip is a series of "Don't touch that. Stop grabbing. No, don't. You will break that. Do I have to put you back in the cart?"
Next on the quirk list is mealtime. Mealtime with our son sucks. He seems to be incredibly uninterested in eating. He doesn't want to sit still. He refuses to eat with utensils - only wants to eat with his hands. And when he does eat, he shoves so much in his mouth, he gags and spits it all back out. But interestingly, when he does choose to eat, he selects foods I wouldn't think kids would love. He loves chocolate including dark chocolate. He loves salami. He loves dates. He will happily put most things in his mouth. Now they may be immediately spit out, but he does try it first.
He has started having some serious tantrums. These are not like our daughter's angry rages where she clearly loses emotional control. These are clearly fits showing us his displeasure that he isn't getting what he wants. He's capable of stopping them, but yet he's so frustrated with us, he will continue to throw the tantrum for 30-45 minutes...frequently telling us he doesn't want to calm his body, because he's mad.
Other quirks that are curious but don't bother us include:
1. Loves to clean. He will gladly help me with household chores - cleaning tables, floors, vacuuming, etc.
2. Loves bubbles - like her LOVES bubbles.
3. He loves to be covered in blankets. He can rarely just sit on the couch without having a blanket on him. When he sleeps at night, he insists on being covered with 3 blankets even if it's 95 outside.
4. He is super affectionate. Loves hugs, loves to be held, and loves to sit in laps (all of the time).
5. He asks 60,000 questions about every new thing he encounters and he often asks the same questions over and over.
6. When he finds something he's interested in (i.e. construction equipment, planes, windmills), he will ask to see the thing over and over again. I mean as soon as he sees a backhoe, he says, "I want to see more backhoes."
7. He talks out loud to himself a lot. He will lay in his bed at night and talk about what happened in his day. He will give himself pep talks. He will talk to his buddies. But it's always completely out loud, not at all in a quiet voice.
8. He loves jumping, running, being thrown around, spinning in chairs, riding fast rides, etc.
9. He gets boo boos regularly that he has no idea how they occurred. These are boo boos that I would hear about for days from our daughter, but our son is surprised to see they exist.
10. It takes him 45 minutes each night to settle and finally go to sleep. He kicks, squirms, sits up, talks, etc. until he finally passes out. I actually bought him a weighted blanket to help soothe him, and he loves it! The moment I gave it to him, he covered himself completely with it and just laid down on the tile floor and said he was going to sleep.
11. He LOVES swinging. I mean loves it. He will play with other things on the playground, but once he gets on the swing, that's it. You must endure a tantrum to get him off the swing. He would probably swing for 5 hours straight if someone would push him for that long.
12. If there is music playing that he likes, we cannot make the volume loud enough for him. He just wants it louder.
13. He runs into things and seems oblivious to things right in front of him. We will say, "Parker eat your avocado." Parker says, "Where?" "Right there." "Where?" Yes, he's far-sighted and wears glasses, but I don't think that accounts for this.
So as I typically do, I began to research. And what I found is that our son appears to have the polar opposite issue that his sister experiences. He isn't hypersensitive. He's hyposensitive. What does that mean? Some kids, like our daughter, are very easily stimulated by noises, lights, tastes, and textures. A fire truck can send them into a crazy frenzy. But hyposensitive kids need louder noises, brighter lights, stronger, tastes, and bolder textures to register with their senses. Otherwise, they are just kind of bored or underwhelmed with their environments.
Just like hypersensitive kids, hyposensitive kids may only be hyposensitive with certain senses. With our son, I think he has auditory, tactile, taste, and vestibular (balance) hyposensitivies. It's possible he has others, but he's just not old enough yet to recognize the visual and olfactory hyposensitivities. Here's a link to a site that provides more information on each hyposensitivity.
This explains so much to me. It helps me realize that he isn't just disobedient and messy. He needs to touch things to experience the world around him and get enough information to understand everything. He doesn't really taste a lot of the foods we give him, because they aren't spicy or flavorful enough, so he's completely disinterested in mealtime. He has a hard time sitting still, because he's searching for something more stimulating to calm him down. He shoves tons of food in his mouth at once to better experience and taste the food. Little bites don't do anything for him. He loves lots of blankets, because the heaviness of the blankets feels more soothing and calming to him. He needs fast moving experiences to stimulate his vestibular system and better develop his sense of balance.
So right now I don't really know what this means for him. Does he need occupational therapy to better develop his senses? Can we do more at home to help him? We'll find out at his 3 year well check when I talk to his doctor. But what I do know is now I have a much better understanding of why he's doing these things. We can look for better solutions that will help him and us be less frustrated.
And as a parent, I've learned a lot about how much our senses determine who we are as people. Our brains are wired to experience the world around us in a particular way. And every child is wired a little bit differently. They can be peculiar little creatures, but there is logic behind the madness if we can just better understand how each child is experiencing the world around them.
But he's nearing 3 and he has some...let's call them "quirks"...that don't seem to be going away. Like what you might ask?
First and foremost, he grabs and touches EVERYTHING. Always has, ever since he started crawling. It doesn't matter if you tell him it's hot or dangerous, he still desperately wants to touch everything. I will tell him my coffee is hot, and he asks if he can put his finger in it and see. We tell him knives will cut him and give him a big boo and he asks if he can just hold them gently. Taking him into a store is a huge challenge, because even though he might try to contain his impulse to grab things, he doesn't do it terribly well. So the trip is a series of "Don't touch that. Stop grabbing. No, don't. You will break that. Do I have to put you back in the cart?"
Next on the quirk list is mealtime. Mealtime with our son sucks. He seems to be incredibly uninterested in eating. He doesn't want to sit still. He refuses to eat with utensils - only wants to eat with his hands. And when he does eat, he shoves so much in his mouth, he gags and spits it all back out. But interestingly, when he does choose to eat, he selects foods I wouldn't think kids would love. He loves chocolate including dark chocolate. He loves salami. He loves dates. He will happily put most things in his mouth. Now they may be immediately spit out, but he does try it first.
He has started having some serious tantrums. These are not like our daughter's angry rages where she clearly loses emotional control. These are clearly fits showing us his displeasure that he isn't getting what he wants. He's capable of stopping them, but yet he's so frustrated with us, he will continue to throw the tantrum for 30-45 minutes...frequently telling us he doesn't want to calm his body, because he's mad.
Other quirks that are curious but don't bother us include:
1. Loves to clean. He will gladly help me with household chores - cleaning tables, floors, vacuuming, etc.
2. Loves bubbles - like her LOVES bubbles.
3. He loves to be covered in blankets. He can rarely just sit on the couch without having a blanket on him. When he sleeps at night, he insists on being covered with 3 blankets even if it's 95 outside.
4. He is super affectionate. Loves hugs, loves to be held, and loves to sit in laps (all of the time).
5. He asks 60,000 questions about every new thing he encounters and he often asks the same questions over and over.
6. When he finds something he's interested in (i.e. construction equipment, planes, windmills), he will ask to see the thing over and over again. I mean as soon as he sees a backhoe, he says, "I want to see more backhoes."
7. He talks out loud to himself a lot. He will lay in his bed at night and talk about what happened in his day. He will give himself pep talks. He will talk to his buddies. But it's always completely out loud, not at all in a quiet voice.
8. He loves jumping, running, being thrown around, spinning in chairs, riding fast rides, etc.
9. He gets boo boos regularly that he has no idea how they occurred. These are boo boos that I would hear about for days from our daughter, but our son is surprised to see they exist.
10. It takes him 45 minutes each night to settle and finally go to sleep. He kicks, squirms, sits up, talks, etc. until he finally passes out. I actually bought him a weighted blanket to help soothe him, and he loves it! The moment I gave it to him, he covered himself completely with it and just laid down on the tile floor and said he was going to sleep.
11. He LOVES swinging. I mean loves it. He will play with other things on the playground, but once he gets on the swing, that's it. You must endure a tantrum to get him off the swing. He would probably swing for 5 hours straight if someone would push him for that long.
12. If there is music playing that he likes, we cannot make the volume loud enough for him. He just wants it louder.
13. He runs into things and seems oblivious to things right in front of him. We will say, "Parker eat your avocado." Parker says, "Where?" "Right there." "Where?" Yes, he's far-sighted and wears glasses, but I don't think that accounts for this.
So as I typically do, I began to research. And what I found is that our son appears to have the polar opposite issue that his sister experiences. He isn't hypersensitive. He's hyposensitive. What does that mean? Some kids, like our daughter, are very easily stimulated by noises, lights, tastes, and textures. A fire truck can send them into a crazy frenzy. But hyposensitive kids need louder noises, brighter lights, stronger, tastes, and bolder textures to register with their senses. Otherwise, they are just kind of bored or underwhelmed with their environments.
Just like hypersensitive kids, hyposensitive kids may only be hyposensitive with certain senses. With our son, I think he has auditory, tactile, taste, and vestibular (balance) hyposensitivies. It's possible he has others, but he's just not old enough yet to recognize the visual and olfactory hyposensitivities. Here's a link to a site that provides more information on each hyposensitivity.
This explains so much to me. It helps me realize that he isn't just disobedient and messy. He needs to touch things to experience the world around him and get enough information to understand everything. He doesn't really taste a lot of the foods we give him, because they aren't spicy or flavorful enough, so he's completely disinterested in mealtime. He has a hard time sitting still, because he's searching for something more stimulating to calm him down. He shoves tons of food in his mouth at once to better experience and taste the food. Little bites don't do anything for him. He loves lots of blankets, because the heaviness of the blankets feels more soothing and calming to him. He needs fast moving experiences to stimulate his vestibular system and better develop his sense of balance.
So right now I don't really know what this means for him. Does he need occupational therapy to better develop his senses? Can we do more at home to help him? We'll find out at his 3 year well check when I talk to his doctor. But what I do know is now I have a much better understanding of why he's doing these things. We can look for better solutions that will help him and us be less frustrated.
And as a parent, I've learned a lot about how much our senses determine who we are as people. Our brains are wired to experience the world around us in a particular way. And every child is wired a little bit differently. They can be peculiar little creatures, but there is logic behind the madness if we can just better understand how each child is experiencing the world around them.
Wednesday, October 28, 2015
Do You Take Vacations Without Your Kids?
Recently we took our first vacation without our kids since before our son was born 3 years ago. It was our 10th wedding anniversary, and my husband wanted to celebrate. He wanted to go to Grand Cayman and go diving (which we haven't done in 8 years). To be fair, I wanted to celebrate, too. I even wanted to go diving, too, but the thought of figuring out the logistics of making sure everything was taken care of so that we could leave for 7 days seemed very overwhelming.
What's the dilemma you ask? Well, let me tell you it takes a village to let mommy and daddy go away.
1. We had to find a caretaker for our daughter here, so she could stay at home and go to school.
2. Our solution to the first problem, led us to another dilemma. How can we ensure our highly sensitive daughter doesn't feel abandoned? This one weighed on me a lot. I could just picture our daughter in tears calling us every night saying she wanted us to come home. Ugghh. That would not be relaxing.:)
What's the dilemma you ask? Well, let me tell you it takes a village to let mommy and daddy go away.
1. We had to find a caretaker for our daughter here, so she could stay at home and go to school.
- My parents couldn't do this, because my dad still works. So we ended up using my mother-in-law, who has never taken care of our daughter for more than 2 hours previously. Partially because of trust and partially because of her interest. But needless to say, this was a big leap of faith that required a lot of preparation. We had trial runs. She practiced taking our daughter to school and picking her up at the bus stop. We had longer babysitting stints. Nana took our daughter on outings. All so our daughter (well, and us, too) would trust that Nana was prepared. We created a daily checklist of everything that had to be done each day to care for our daughter, the animals, and the house. We created manuals to operate all of the technology in our house. We created a phone list of everyone under the sun who might be of help if something went wrong. Seriously. We did all of that. But it gave everyone peace of mind.
2. Our solution to the first problem, led us to another dilemma. How can we ensure our highly sensitive daughter doesn't feel abandoned? This one weighed on me a lot. I could just picture our daughter in tears calling us every night saying she wanted us to come home. Ugghh. That would not be relaxing.:)
- We needed Nana to drive our daughter to my parents house for the weekend so our daughter could be with her brother and participate in Camp Grandmama and Granddad, too.
- We left small gifts and love notes for her to open everyday, so she would know we were thinking of her.
- We made sure her teacher knew what was happening that week, so she could be prepared for our daughter's emotional stress.
- We made sure Nana was SUPER prepared, so that our daughter never doubted Nana.
- Nana planned fun activities for the two of them every night. I think they largely included eating McDonald's and shopping at Target, but hey, everyone seemed to have fun.
- Oh yeah - our son. We had to get him to Grandmama and Granddad's house 200 miles away.
- Jobs
- Family businesses
- Pet Sitter
- Diver refresher course
- Travel preparations
When I thought about everything in my head, I thought it seemed like too much work and too emotionally overwhelming to have a few days of vacation. Truthfully, I agreed to the trip because I really thought there was about a 50% chance of my mother-in-law flaking and I wouldn't have to figure everything out.
But as the trip got closer, it looked like it was really going to happen. And you know what? It did happen! And...everything went smoothly. Everyone lived. The trip was great. I highly recommend Grand Cayman by the way. And our daughter didn't even want to talk to use while we were gone - not because she was mad, but because she was too interested in other things to talk to mommy and daddy. It really did all seem like a small miracle.
And just as importantly, my husband and I had a great time. We reconnected and recuperated. We got to to adult things - Like hang out at a swim up bar, sleep past 7:00 am, live on a spontaneous, flexible schedule, read a book, eat seafood for every meal, oh and the list could go on.
There are a few things I learned from this experience:
1. Our marriage and relationship deserved the work that went into this trip. At this stage, it is an effort to get alone time, but the effort is critical. I get that now. Vacations probably won't seem carefree again for at least 16 years, so I better get used to this.
2. I gained a deeper trust in our family. I am frequently known to be a control freak and this trip took a big leap of faith. Now I know I can count on my family members and kids to help out more. They all took one for the team, and they did a great job!
3. It will be easier the next time. I'm not ready to do this again tomorrow, but I know the next time we do this, it will be much easier. So that means we can still take couple trips without the kids occasionally, and that is awesome!
Wednesday, October 7, 2015
I Was Skinny Fat
Earlier this year, I wrote a post about my ongoing weight maintenance battle. Basically, I do well for a year or two and then, something happens like I get pregnant (and I don't mean gaining the normal 25-35 pounds) or we have a major life change and I fall off the wagon.
This time, I fell off the wagon during the holidays last year. I thought no big deal. I'll jump on Weight Watchers (my go to) after the holidays and take care of it. Well, January came, and I signed up for WW like half of America does. Usually, you see a big weight loss at the beginning, which is very motivating. This time though, after the first week, I lost a big goose egg. Zero. Next week came, same story. The third week came, still nothing. I wasn't cheating. I'm totally dedicated to counting all points. I just could not figure out why it wasn't working this time. It had always worked for me before.
Could it be that I'm old? Well, maybe. But it seemed like it had to be more than that.
I decided maybe I should try to cut my carbs more. So I persisted and still no weight loss. So I decided to up my protein. However, most of my internet research led me to believe that most Americans eat plenty of protein and this probably wasn't my problem. But I knew that I had never been a big protein eater. As an adult, I recognized the importance of it, so I tried to make conscious protein decisions. But was I eating enough? I decided to actually calculate my daily protein intake. Sadly, I found it was only 30-40 grams a day - even when I was trying to eat more! Intuitively, I knew that wasn't enough, especially for someone who was running 25 miles a week up (doing hills, too). And again, after reading all of the internet research about how much muscle women lose each year after the age of 25 and through pregnancy, I felt I had found my problem.
I had eaten away all of my muscle. I looked down at my legs and in the mirror at my backside, and what I saw confirmed my hypothesis. I was skinny fat. My metabolism just wasn't functioning optimally. I estimated I was at about 30% body fat. Holy cow! So I set a goal for myself to eat 70-80 grams of protein day. There is a marketing campaign out there encouraging people to eat 90 grams a day. So I still may not be getting enough, but 70-80 grams of protein is WAY more protein than I have ever eaten on a daily basis. The other thing I focused on was making sure I ate protein EVERY time I eat. I learned that you crave less sugar (because you have a steady blood sugar level) if you have a steady dose of protein, and you burn more calories digesting protein than you do digesting carbs and fat.
So I began planning a new diet that would get me to 70-80 protein grams daily but have no more than 25-30 grams of added sugar (I don't count fruit). Btw, this is not considered a low carb diet by any means. It's also not a high protein diet. I also started spinning, which is categorized as a high intensity interval training workout (HIIT), which is supposed to be optimal for fat burning. And I started incorporating sprints into my runs, and I shortened my runs. I don't feel compelled to always run 5 miles now to get a good workout.
The next week, I stepped on the scale. No weight loss. In fact, I had gained a bit. No worries. I felt better and I felt more toned. More weeks passed, more weight gained but I could pinch less fat. Huh...interesting. I persisted despite the fact that the scale (which we all love to measure by) was not being my friend. I also noticed that my clothes began fitting differently. They were looser around my waist but tighter around my legs and hips. Oh no. Was this right?
Well, I will skip to the 3/4 of the way punch line. After eating this way for 8 months now, I have gained 10 pounds but lost 6% body fat. My clothes fit normally again, and I am way more toned than I was 8 months ago. In fact, I've lost fat in places where the fat has been since I was 21. I see more muscle tone in my legs than I've had since I was in college. My goal is to lose another 4-6% body fat to get to a fitter 18-20% total body fat. I had a physical recently and discussed my new diet with my doctor, and he agreed I was taking the right strategy. He also noticed my blood work (which wasn't bad before) had improved, too. My blood pressure had dropped (100/70 with a pulse of 68) and my triglycerides were 47 (Should be <150. Ideal is <100)! I doubt I have ever had a t-level that low. Another extra bonus? I no longer have keratosis pilaris (little red bumps on the back of your arms or on your legs). I've had that forever and nothing ever got rid of it! Turns out KP can be a sign of a gluten allergy. Now I don't know if I'm allergic to gluten, but it was probably a sign I was eating too much of it. Because after having KP for 25 years, I no longer have it at all.
The amazing thing about this new way of eating for me is that even when I don't work out, I lose body fat. In fact, I noticed once I got to month 7, my body really seemed to start burning fat quickly! Everyday when I wake up, I can pinch less fat. It's amazing and I don't feel like I'm trying hard. Because the other amazing thing that happened is I don't crave carbs. I never crave pasta, bread, cake or cookies any more. In fact, sometimes when I try to eat bread, it doesn't even taste that good. We go to a pizza place, and I order meatballs and salad and it tastes awesome. I never thought that would be me.
I definitely want to clarify that I'm not a nutritionist nor am I recommending this approach for everyone. But if you've been a carb addict and a protein non-addict most of your life (and you are nearing middle age), this dietary approach might work for you.
If you're curious, this is what a typical day of food looks like for me:
Breakfast - 25 grams of protein. 1 gram of sugar.
This time, I fell off the wagon during the holidays last year. I thought no big deal. I'll jump on Weight Watchers (my go to) after the holidays and take care of it. Well, January came, and I signed up for WW like half of America does. Usually, you see a big weight loss at the beginning, which is very motivating. This time though, after the first week, I lost a big goose egg. Zero. Next week came, same story. The third week came, still nothing. I wasn't cheating. I'm totally dedicated to counting all points. I just could not figure out why it wasn't working this time. It had always worked for me before.
Could it be that I'm old? Well, maybe. But it seemed like it had to be more than that.
I decided maybe I should try to cut my carbs more. So I persisted and still no weight loss. So I decided to up my protein. However, most of my internet research led me to believe that most Americans eat plenty of protein and this probably wasn't my problem. But I knew that I had never been a big protein eater. As an adult, I recognized the importance of it, so I tried to make conscious protein decisions. But was I eating enough? I decided to actually calculate my daily protein intake. Sadly, I found it was only 30-40 grams a day - even when I was trying to eat more! Intuitively, I knew that wasn't enough, especially for someone who was running 25 miles a week up (doing hills, too). And again, after reading all of the internet research about how much muscle women lose each year after the age of 25 and through pregnancy, I felt I had found my problem.
I had eaten away all of my muscle. I looked down at my legs and in the mirror at my backside, and what I saw confirmed my hypothesis. I was skinny fat. My metabolism just wasn't functioning optimally. I estimated I was at about 30% body fat. Holy cow! So I set a goal for myself to eat 70-80 grams of protein day. There is a marketing campaign out there encouraging people to eat 90 grams a day. So I still may not be getting enough, but 70-80 grams of protein is WAY more protein than I have ever eaten on a daily basis. The other thing I focused on was making sure I ate protein EVERY time I eat. I learned that you crave less sugar (because you have a steady blood sugar level) if you have a steady dose of protein, and you burn more calories digesting protein than you do digesting carbs and fat.
So I began planning a new diet that would get me to 70-80 protein grams daily but have no more than 25-30 grams of added sugar (I don't count fruit). Btw, this is not considered a low carb diet by any means. It's also not a high protein diet. I also started spinning, which is categorized as a high intensity interval training workout (HIIT), which is supposed to be optimal for fat burning. And I started incorporating sprints into my runs, and I shortened my runs. I don't feel compelled to always run 5 miles now to get a good workout.
The next week, I stepped on the scale. No weight loss. In fact, I had gained a bit. No worries. I felt better and I felt more toned. More weeks passed, more weight gained but I could pinch less fat. Huh...interesting. I persisted despite the fact that the scale (which we all love to measure by) was not being my friend. I also noticed that my clothes began fitting differently. They were looser around my waist but tighter around my legs and hips. Oh no. Was this right?
Well, I will skip to the 3/4 of the way punch line. After eating this way for 8 months now, I have gained 10 pounds but lost 6% body fat. My clothes fit normally again, and I am way more toned than I was 8 months ago. In fact, I've lost fat in places where the fat has been since I was 21. I see more muscle tone in my legs than I've had since I was in college. My goal is to lose another 4-6% body fat to get to a fitter 18-20% total body fat. I had a physical recently and discussed my new diet with my doctor, and he agreed I was taking the right strategy. He also noticed my blood work (which wasn't bad before) had improved, too. My blood pressure had dropped (100/70 with a pulse of 68) and my triglycerides were 47 (Should be <150. Ideal is <100)! I doubt I have ever had a t-level that low. Another extra bonus? I no longer have keratosis pilaris (little red bumps on the back of your arms or on your legs). I've had that forever and nothing ever got rid of it! Turns out KP can be a sign of a gluten allergy. Now I don't know if I'm allergic to gluten, but it was probably a sign I was eating too much of it. Because after having KP for 25 years, I no longer have it at all.
The amazing thing about this new way of eating for me is that even when I don't work out, I lose body fat. In fact, I noticed once I got to month 7, my body really seemed to start burning fat quickly! Everyday when I wake up, I can pinch less fat. It's amazing and I don't feel like I'm trying hard. Because the other amazing thing that happened is I don't crave carbs. I never crave pasta, bread, cake or cookies any more. In fact, sometimes when I try to eat bread, it doesn't even taste that good. We go to a pizza place, and I order meatballs and salad and it tastes awesome. I never thought that would be me.
I definitely want to clarify that I'm not a nutritionist nor am I recommending this approach for everyone. But if you've been a carb addict and a protein non-addict most of your life (and you are nearing middle age), this dietary approach might work for you.
If you're curious, this is what a typical day of food looks like for me:
Breakfast - 25 grams of protein. 1 gram of sugar.
- Quaker Weight Control oatmeal plus 2 tbsp of gelatin protein powder
- Made with skim milk
- Banana or blueberries on top (I eat a banana if I'm going for a run)
- Cup of raw stir fly veggies
- 2 tbsp of Boathouse Farms salsa ranch yogurt dressing
- 1/2 cup of chili pistachios
- 2 hard boiled eggs (I make them at the beginning of the week and they last a long time)
- Light & Fit Greek yogurt with raspberries on top (Dark Chocolate Raspberry is awesome!)
Snack - 12 grams of protein. 3 grams of sugar.
- 1/2 cup of 2% cottage cheese
- blueberries on top
Dinner - ~15 grams of protein. ~5 grams of sugar.
- Whatever the family is eating. I eat all of the meat and veggies first and just a few tablespoons of the carb.
Dessert - 12 grams of protein. 7 grams of sugar.
- Light & Fit Greek yogurt with raspberries on top
Weekend - We eat out a lot. I just focus on protein and veggies and try to watch the calories by limiting my portions.
I still drink alcohol, but I save it for the weekends. And I just drink skinny margaritas and red wine. Vodka is probably ultimate low sugar alcoholic drink, but hey, this is where I splurge:). I do occasionally indulge in dark chocolate, too. I've tried to eat the 90% cacao to really cut sugar, but it just doesn't taste that good. So 70% cacao is where I've ended up.
I also want to say I have nothing against Weight Watchers. I believe in it, but it doesn't always force you to eat the right balance of protein and carbs for your specific needs.
Stay tuned. I will report back once I hit my 20% goal! I may even post a picture:).
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