I have thought for a long time about writing this post, but I wanted to make sure I wrote it in the right way because weight loss and weight management is such a sensitive subject...so it's taken some time for me to get my thoughts organized. And please keep in mind as you read this, this is about me and my experience. It doesn't mean it applies to everyone.
Like many people, I have struggled with losing weight and maintaining weight at many points in my life. But what I wanted to share isn't a "this is how I lost weight and so can you story" but rather a secret that I learned when I was 32 that really freed me in my journey to maintain my weight. And I don't think it's something that's said out loud and in a positive way very often.
So here's my quick background - Around age 8 or 9, I started becoming a chubby kid. I heard people call me chubby. I knew how I was perceived, and sadly, I began the self-identification of "I'm a chubby girl." Luckily, I grew about 3 inches when I was 11, and I started junior high with a thinner looking body. But in my mind, I was still a chubby girl. I continued on my path through high school with that feeling (although I can clearly look back at those pictures and see that I wasn't chubby). But that's not my point. In college, I gained the freshman 10 and never lost them. Then, through my early adult years, I gained another 15. And eventually at the age of 25 or 26, I stepped on the scale and saw the number 170 (if you don't know me, I'm 5'8"). Now I don't claim to relate to being morbidly obese. I haven't experienced that. But I was medically overweight and that was my breaking point. Thus, I had my first intro to Weight Watchers. It worked well for me. I lost 30 pounds and became a "thin or normal sized" girl. After a year or so of maintaining that weight, I did begin identifying myself as thin or normal sized rather than chubby, which was positive.
But of course, I continued to struggle with maintaining my weight. Every time I had a change in routine or stress in my life, I found myself sacrificing exercise and eating more and thus putting on 10 pounds that I had to lose again. At the age of 31, newly married (with a husband who cooked yummy food in large portions) and adjusting to a new, very demanding career, I found myself again trying to lose 10 pounds. I started working out with a trainer. A trainer who was thin and fit and active and everything I envied. She was the type of person I had always believed just naturally stayed thin and never thought about it. So as I was working out, I was having a little pity party for myself and commented to the trainer that I wished I didn't have to keep stressing about my weight and that I could just naturally stay thin. She looked me straight in the eye and said, "Don't we all. I wish I didn't have to think about it either, but it's just a part of life." Now picture an enormous light bulb going off above my head. I was thinking, "What? You think about this?" How could that be? I had always believed there were the unlucky people with not so good genes who had to work at it and the lucky people with great genes that just naturally fit into a a size 2. Suddenly my world was turned around. How could this thin, fit person be telling me that she struggled with her weight, too. Wow! Why have I never heard this? Well, because thinner people don't want to complain about their weight issues around heavier people. The thinner people don't want to sound petty or be disliked. Thus, it creates this perception to the heavier people that thinner people are just magically thin. Duh.
So this is the point of my post - this was the most freeing moment! From then on I realized, there weren't two clubs of people in this world - those who struggle with weight and those who don't. Some may be having more success than others, but we are all in the weight-struggling club. We are all fighting the good fight. Now when I'm watching people eat salmon and broccoli for lunch, I'm not thinking, "Man, they are so lucky. They just naturally want to eat salmon and broccoli every week." I understand that they too, might like to have the burger, but just like me, they are fighting the good fight the best they can.
Now this knowledge hasn't magically cured me. I've had ups and downs. I peaked out at 200 pounds during both of my pregnancies. But with this knowledge (and Weight Watchers, a lot of Candy Crush, and Real Housewives), I eventually got back to my goal weight of 135 each time and I didn't feel alone or excluded. I didn't feel like there was something wrong with me. I wasn't different from anyone else. And I didn't feel tempted to give up, because I thought my unlucky genes had destined me to a fate of being overweight. I just knew this was part of life - like learning to ride a bike or getting a job. I just needed get back to the fight.
So today at age 40, I weigh 140 pounds (5 pounds over my goal thanks to lots of Halloween candy, holiday food, and not effectively managing my stress). But I'm still fighting that fight to get back to 135 everyday. And I hope everyone reading this, no matter where you are in your health and fitness journey, knows that whether a size 2 or a size 26, we are all fighting the good fight everyday!
P.S. If you are wondering what Candy Crush and Real Housewives have to do with this. They are my go-to stress relievers every night instead of the food in the kitchen. Man, they are awesome guilty pleasures!
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